Cursed [Jai Brooks]

The Alibi- Chapter 32

As I indulged the words written on the note, shivers set on my spine refusing to leave.  Suddenly it was as if every human feeling was rushing through my veins, the fear of returning, the anguish of losing my sister, the despair of losing my love, the regret of leaving my parents, the guilt of murder and the ache of him. I tore the post-it in a rage, ripping it into tiny pieces; I opened the driver door and let the small pieces float away in the cool wind like confetti.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, there’s no guessing in whom it was, the answer was inevitable. I pulled my phone from my pocket reluctantly and swiped the screen to answer it

“Hope” he whispered his voice coarse as if he’d been crying, although I knew that never such a thing could be witnessed. I couldn’t form any words, as soon as I heard his voice my throat went dry “Hope, please talk to me” he begged, his voice cracking on the last word ever so slightly.

“What do you want?” I asked through gritted teeth, hearing his voice only infuriated me more and I am beginning to regret answering

“Please don’t leave, at least not like this” he pleaded

“Jai you’ve taken everything from me, my family, my friends even my humanity, at least let me leave with the tiniest shred of dignity that I still posses, just let me go” I wanted to sound strong and confident in my words but how could I be? Just hours ago I’d began to believe that there could be some kind of twisted future for us, I’m not talking marriage and kids but I’m saying we could’ve been our own distorted version of happy, we had a home, a fresh start, of course it wasn’t perfect, the killing was the mastermind plans of complete wayward lunatics but it was us.

‘Us’ how crazy does that sound now?

“I can’t” he shouted, his voice strained. I heard him sniffle a few times confirming my initial thoughts, he’d been crying.

Part of me wanted to run back to him and lie in his arms and forget about everything that I left behind in New York but how could I run back to a narcissist? A liar? A mass murder? Everything that I’d previously believed about Jai was based around a lie; I left with him under the circumstances that there was no life for me in New York anymore. I left New York and forced myself to forget about the people that I loved, about the people who made me happy in this hell of a life, Jai took that from me. He deceived me into leaving with him; he made me believe that my boyfriend was dead. Who does that? If he truly cared for me he would’ve left a long time ago, he would’ve left me to be in peace. I can’t succumb to his madness again; I have to leave this time.

“I won’t do this again” I told him and mentally resolved to stick to my word “I will no longer ignore my responsibilities and duties as a person, I have a responsibility to own up to whom I’ve become and I have a duty to care for the people that I...” I had to pause taking a moment to process my thoughts “that I love” I finished and took a deep breath.

The other line went dead.

 I began my steady drive back to New York, the SUV practically taking up the entire freeway, why did we ever to decide to buy such a monstrous vehicle? Supposedly for two monstrous human beings, I desperately tried to ignore pondering questions of whether this is the right thing to do. I had to do this, I have to return. Since Jai wasn’t travelling with me I decided to put in one of my favourite CD’s, one I knew that he wouldn’t approve of. As soon as the CD has been swallowed by the system the sound of The Script echoed through the SUV, I found myself chuckling at the thought of Jai having to suffer through my music, but he wasn’t here to laugh at.

I became suddenly aware of my loneliness. It dawned on me that I’d never been in the SUV alone before, since the day we’d bought it, Jai and I had travelled in it together. It was almost as if I missed his presence, his gloomy, haunting presence. Would things be different when I returned to Luke?