Conscience Of Love

Chapter 10

Forget

Nakatitig lang ako sa oras. Tulala. I've never been this hurt before. Walang kasing sakit na walang matakbuhan. Walang kasing sakit na palaging walang makuwentuhan. Gusto kong sumigaw pero kanino? Walang nakakaalam kung gaano kasakit kasi bukangbibig ko na ayos lang ako palagi. The cold wind of the night blew, I hugged myself. Umiyak lalo.

I've always been kind to people. Palagi akong nandyan tuwing kailangan nila ako. Kahit hindi kailangan ay nandoon parin ako. Kaya ngayong ako ang may kailangan.. hindi ko alam kung bakit wala akong matawag na kahit na sino. Madami akong kaibigan, o kahit kakilala man lang. I can't believe the fact that no one remembered. Is that even possible?

O baka masyado lang akong demanding? Maybe nasanay lang ako na isinecelebrate ang birthday ko. Siguro nga ganoon. It's my fault, maybe I'm being too selfish. Maraming tao sa labas na hindi na iniisip ang kaarawan dahil sa kahirapan ng buhay. Mas pinipiling itabi ang pera para may makain kinabukasan kesa icelebrate ang birthday. Yet here I am, crying because of that simple thing. I'm too selfish! Yes Addison, you are!

But, I just want someone to remember.... at least maaalala lang. Mahirap bang bumati? Mommy spoiled me with many extravagant things I don't need. But that's not what I need right now, because the only gift I want was her presence. Her greetings and her hugs. That's the only thing matters to me.

Mommy...

Lumabas ako ng kwarto. It's one am in the morning. I need comfort at alam ko kung paanong maiibsan ang nararamdaman ko. I opened my Mom's room. Yes. It'll comfort me. Kahit wala sya dito.. maamoy kolang ang napakabango nyang amoy. Ayos na. I entered her room, and as expected... her baby scent filled my nose. Mabango iyon pero hindi ko alam kung bakit nagbara lang lalo ang lalamunan ko. Madilim sa kwarto. I chose not to open the lights because I know It'll hurt my eyes. Humiga ako sa kama ni Mommy at niyakap ang comforter nya.

Nagulat ako nang may maramdamang gumalaw sa kama. Humihikbi iyon, mula sa liwanag na binibigay ng buwan ay nakita ko ang buhok ng isang babae. Tanging ang buhok nya lang ang kita because she was all covered by the comforter. I confirmed that it's mommy when she sniffed again. Bahagya pa akong nagulat kaya nakapatayo ako sa kama. Anong oras sya nakauwi?

When every thing sinked in, I jumped at the bed to hug her tight. Then I cried, like a baby who lost her lollipop. I don't know why she's crying. I don't care if she really doesn't remember. I don't care if my birthday was not that important to her... All that matters now... is that.. she's here. I can now hug her tight. Niyakap ko sya ng mahigpit at wala akong narinig kung hindi ang paulit ulit na hikbi nya habang dahang dahang niyayakap ako pabalik. I hugged her, bumabawi sa mga panahong pinili kong magtampo kaysa intindihin sya.

Maybe she's too exhausted. Maybe she's too stressed. I kissed her hair repeatedly then she cried more na para bang sya pa ang mas bata sa akin. I'm sorry for being selfish Mommy. Masyado kong inisip ang pagiging kawawa ko gayong alam ko namang kung naaalala molang ang birthday ko'y bibilhin mo ang ilang Isla ng Palawan para ibigay sakin. I'm selfish. I'm so selfish.

"Sorry for coming home late..." she whispered as she kissed my forehead. Still crying.

It's okay mommy. You don't need to explain because I'll never get tired of saying I'm fine. Maybe, I did. Pero hindi na uli. Hindi ko naisip na mas mabigat ang kung ano mang nararamdaman mo ngayon. Ang inisip kolang ay ang sariling nararamdaman ko.

"I'm fine mommy," I whispered. And even if I know she won't see it, still.. I smiled sweetly.

"He robbed all of my money hija. It was for your birthday.. but because of his presence.. I forgot your special day." tumigil na sya sa pag iyak nang sabihin iyon. Her voice was now mixed with wrath.