Aleena
I lay in my own bed for the first time in four weeks. I was still seeing the sadness in Toni's eyes when he brought me home and kissed me goodbye. I was glad Donovan wasn't there to see it or he would have sworn he was right about us all along.
I told Toni I would think about us being together. Lying in bed thinking about it I wanted to tell him yes but the other half of my heart kept saying no. That was the half that still belonged to Donovan.
A knock on my bedroom window startled me out of my thoughts. I looked over at Donovan's face and opened the window.
"Yes?"
"Can we talk?"
"Are you going to talk about something I need to hear?"
"I promise."
"Go around the front." I closed my window and went to sit with him on the porch.
At first he said nothing. I could see the pain playing over and over again like a bad nightmare that never ends.
"I didn't know da effect dat she had on me tile I met you Leena." He started. "When she firs started showing interest in me I was like, 'wow, dis fine, older chic is interested in me'. We saw each oda a few times. We went on a couple of dates. She was my firs date. We had fun togeda. I should've known from da firs night she showed up at my house. My mom wasn't home. She sat close to me on my bed and started kissing me. I knew I wasn't in love but I also knew dat I cared a lot about dis girl and she made me feel so good. When she asked me if I loved her I said yes. By den I tought if it felt dis good it had to be love. After dat everyting just fell apart.
"Every time I saw her she was with a different dude. Dere were so many rumors involving her and dese dudes. I didn't want to believe dem because by dis time I had fallen deeply in love with her. I just knew she loved me too and dat she could never do da tings people said she was doing.
"She would be talking to oda dudes on da phone. She would always say he was just a friend. I had a job so I was giving her money a buying her shit dat dem oda niggas neva bought and couldn't afford to buy for her because dey couldn't hold a job." He said shaking his head.
"When summer break came and school was out dats when I really started noticin tings. I started to believe tings I didn't want to believe. When I confronted her about seeing oda dudes she went off on me. She screamed, cried and treatened to leave. I tried to calm her down. I begged her to stay. I tought if any of da rumors were true dat if I loved her enough she would change.
"Da next day she told me she was pregnant. I was excited. I mean I was worried too and I guess dat wasn't da reaction she was expecting because she asked me if I was sure dat I wanted her to keep da baby. I said yes. I was going to give dat baby everyting I could. I started giving her more money. More rumors came about dat of a bastard baby but I grew def. to dem.
"One day I decided to surprise her. I had just gotten my learners dat mornin and I wanted to take her out. She was supposed to have her broad living wit her. But when I looked into her room she was on top of her "broad" like she didn't know the meaning of the word love. Den all da rumors started to flow trew my head. Standing dere I started to cry. She froze when she saw me. Then he saw me...and he smiled." Hatred was in Donovan's eyes.
"I left speedin to Slim's house. He knows a guy that sells guns on da street. I bought one. I went back and dey was in bed asleep. I went over to her and put the cold metal against her head. When she woke up and saw me dere she screamed and started crying. For da first time she feared me.
"Da dude in bed wit' her was saying someting but I was too angry to understand so I just yelled at him to shut da fuck up. I was gon kill him, den I was gon kill her, den I was gon kill myself. But standin dere I realized no matter how much pain I felt I still loved her. So I turned da gun on myself but I still couldn't pull da trigger. Walkin' toward da door I dropped to da floor and started crying harder. When I heard someone coming toward me I cocked the gun and pointed it at him. I told her she was da whore everyone said she was. I told her one day she would mess wit' da wrong person's heart and dey would make her pay for it and dat if she lived to be an old woman she would be alone for da rest of her life. And I left.
"I almost scared my mom when I walked in da house wit da gun in my hand. She kept asking me what I had done? Dat's when I started smokin. I was in my room almost every day gettin high. A while after dat I saw her walkin down da street wit' some girlfriends of hers. When she saw me she almost took off running in da oda direction. I asked her if she was still convinced dat the baby was mine. She said yes so I asked for a DNA test. I told her I would pick her up and take her to da clinic the next day. Sometimes I wish dat baby had been mine so at least one ting she told me wasn't a lie."
Aleena sat speechless. Never had she seen him cry. She held him close and he cried on her shoulder.
