Unexpected

Chapter 15

I decided to wait for him awake. Even if I tried, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I cried for hours on the couch. I sobbed and choked in my tears. I loved him, but maybe he was right. Maybe I wasn't loving him properly. Maybe I wasn't loving him the way he deserved to be loved. Not for one second I blamed him for my despair. I blamed myself constantly and only myself. I put myself in his shoes and understood that what I was giving him was what Colton had given me during our relationship, and that was nothing. I could tell James a thousand times that I loved him but if I didn't show him with actions, he would never believe in me, just like I never believed in Colton when he said it to me.

I walked around in circles for quite some time too. Like a wild cat in a cage looking for a way out. The same determination to escape but at the same time the same fear to lose the battle. I couldn't lose that battle. There was not a way where I could lose that battle. James was the best thing that had happened to me. The purest feeling I've ever felt and still the person I was hurting the most. It was true he had his insecurities, but I also concluded that some of his insecurities were caused by me. By my decisions and way of doing things. He was right most of the times.

Sat on the couch again, with no tears at all to fall, eyes irritated, red, and swollen, I finally heard the door opening. I jumped right away to look back. He looked calm, serene, quiet even. When door closed he stared at me. There was not rage in his eyes anymore.

"What are you doing still up?" He asked, resting the key card on the table.

"I was waiting for you. I was worried in fact, it's late." I said.

"Well, I am here. I am fine. You can go to bed now." Though the hanger was gone. He still sounded cold and unimpressed by my zombie look.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked him, seeing he wasn't following me. He shook his head.

"No... I'll sleep on the couch tonight." He informed me.

"James..." I whispered so disappointed.

"Don't say anything or fight my decision, Cleo. Not today... today, just leave me be." He told me.

I saw him passing by me and entering the bedroom. I followed him and saw James grabbing a pillow and a blanket and then he left, closing the door, and leaving me in there alone. Tears came back. Water flooded my eyes, on the verge to fall again. That decision hurt me deeply but I took it and went to bed alone. That was my lesson to learn.

I woke up the next morning with the shower running. The bathroom's door was slightly opened and I knew it was him in there. I stayed still in bed, waiting for him to get out. Soon, he appeared in the room rolled on a towel and raided his suitcases looking for some clothes. He saw me awake, but he didn't greet me. He just pretended that I wasn't there. I gave him space. I got up to and went to the bathroom for a shower myself. I decided not to cry, not to despair. If he wanted to forgive me he would, eventually.

I met him for breakfast after the freshening bath, dressed in jeans and a black tank top. Though he didn't talk to me at all, the minute I sat, he put a plate with mushrooms in front of me. I thanked him shyly and then we began to eat in silence. It was killing me inside but I thought it was better that way.

"What do I have in my agenda today?" He asked, breaking the deadly silence.

"I have to check it..." I said getting up, but he grabbed my hand and made me sit again.

"Eat first." He mumbled.

I could tell he was still pissed off. His tone was not aggressive but not tender either. He spoke without looking at my face. He'd stared at some distant point and the conversation was just random questions, not really a conversation flowing.