Unexpected

Chapter 33

The rest of the week went calm. James didn't call at all and I made peace with myself. It was not that I still didn't feel humiliated. I did, but the least it was fading a bit of my memory. Plus, I began to think a lot about our situation, since I had the time to do it. I concluded that at some point James was right. He had been right the entire time. I was being immature and maybe have been immature as well during the short period of our relationship. I realized that I had made a lot of mistakes, childish ones, not being able to give him what he needed nor what he expected. He was much older, had more experience than I did. He was much more ready to commit than I was, despite the fact that I loved him deeply. Colton was my age, so our lifestyle was the same. Our goals, our way of being young was the same, and while with James, he was a step up in what a relationship concerned. Being with Colton was just being with Colton. We knew one day we would be fully grown, but James, James was already fully grown. He had been married. He had had kids, so he wanted stability, and my immaturity failed to notice that. So, I made mistake after mistake, the biggest one was not trusting him.

Aware of that, and aware that I could no longer use Willow to hurt him at some point, though I never felt like I was doing it, I had decided to allow him to be near me during the visits to the doctor. Since trust had been something I hadn't been able to give him, I had to start giving it to him at that point. I had to believe in him when he said he was going to love the baby, and if I cut him out, I would also be shortening that possibility. Motherhood was changing me on that aspect. I could no longer think just about myself, I had to think about Willow, and it would be good for her to have her father around. So, the next week when I came back to work, the first thing I did was to talk to Frank.

"Frank..." I called him opening the door gently.

"Cleo, how are you feeling?" He asked offering me a smile.

"Everything is fine. Look... I want to talk to you about something. Last week James asked to be at the doctor with me, remember?" Frank nodded. "Well, I want to change that from my initial no, to a yes. I agree."

"Really?"

"Yes. If he says he can love her then I have to believe him. It's the best." I said.

"What made you change your mind if you don't mind me asking."

"A couple of thinking. A great dose of thinking. Mainly because I love my daughter and I want her to be happy and loved. Even if her mother and her father are not together, she can have the love of both of us. Given that, and for that to happen, I have to allow James to be around. I have to let him connect to her some way, and for now the doctor's and sonograms are all that is possible."

"Just that?"

"And because I love him too..." I whispered. "I cannot stand hurting him anymore. Not that I ever done that on purpose, but I know I did. I know that even if he didn't want this baby and was rude and arrogant in the beginning, he's trying now to mend that. I also have to give him a chance."

"That's a great decision Cleo, for the sake of the three of you."

"The next appointment is on the 26th. Then I will be telling you when the others will be and you inform him." I said getting up.

"Don't you prefer to do that yourself?"

"No..." I simply said. "I want to keep this with some rules, so I don't forget where I stand in all this."

"You're doing the right thing, Cleo." Frank supported me.

"I know..." I closed the door.

I don't know if Frank talked to James during that day. I didn't ask. I simply did my job and carried on, or I tried to. Truth was, I felt lonely and torn apart. More and more I acknowledged how much I loved Willow's father and how hard all that was being for me. I knew I had to let him go. At the bus that day, feeling extremely tired, I heard his words "not feeling..." loud in my head. I guessed that said it all... he had stopped because he didn't feel the same way about me. He didn't love me anymore, and I had to let him go no matter what.