Unexpected

Chapter 21

The next day, early in the morning, Diana drove me to the practice. I made my way there rather silent. Voices in my head were driving me mad, driving me insane. A million thoughts running through my mind, doubts echoing inside of me. I knew what I had to do but I was not sure if I wanted to do it. My head was a mess and the closer the time, the biggest the doubts.

"You're doing the right thing, Cleo." Diana spat suddenly like letting me know she could read my thoughts.

"Then, why doesn't it feel right?" I said turning my head to look at her.

"You're alone... unemployed Cleo...he doesn't want this kid, you know that..." She reasoned me. Everything single thing she said was the pure truth.

"But it's a life I have inside of me, it's my kid... my baby..." I argued.

"Yes, but it's not only your kid." She argued back and again she was right. "That baby has a father and he doesn't want it. You're not even together. What would you do? Have this baby alone? What about when he grows up and asks about the dad, what would you say?"

"Many kids grow up without a father." I argued again.

Suddenly I found myself finding excuses and my doubts grew stronger. A thought was forming inside of me. A very scary thought.

"Jesus!" Diana exclaimed. "And would you have a kid without telling James he had one?"

"What if.... it's not like he would care and would find out." I told her, but obviously not thinking the matter straight.

"No... you can't be saying that!" She almost yelled at me. "Are you out of your mind? Look... I don't want to look like I don't support you because I do. Whatever your decision is. Just don't forget that if you decide to have this baby you just have two options: one, you have the kid alone and don't tell anyone who the father is, which is very wrong and I say this again, it's very wrong, Cleo... or you have this kid and you have to tell him. Imagine his reaction..."

For a moment I stayed silent imagining James's reaction. It had been four weeks since we last spoke on the phone. Since then he never, not even once, tried to reach me. It had been an entire month without any type of communication. How would he react if I tell him I was pregnant? Would he even believe the baby was his? Did I have the right to do this?

"You're right..." I whispered, and with that I was certain again that abortion was the right thing to do, for the sake of all of us. "He divorced and I didn't believe him when he said he would..." I said then randomly.

"I told you maybe you were being just impulsive, Cleo. He must be really hurt. You should have trusted him. He did that when you asked trust from him, or sort of, but he didn't abandoned the ship. You simply left, not even giving him the benefit of the doubt."

Diana was like that. She would show you the truth cold blood. She would paint the picture to you exactly how it is.

"I fucked up badly." I concluded. If only time could go back...

"Yeah..." Diana nodded. "You fucked up big time."

When I got to the clinic, I was received by the doctor. She took me inside right away and began to prepare me. I was determined to do it. First, I disposed of all my clothes and dressed just in a green gown. Then, she began to explain all the procedure and again, while being lied on that bed, my doubts began to run inside my head once more. I wasn't even listening... the doctor's voice was very distant and the only thing I could hear was the heartbeat of the baby beating so loud and this voice yelling "It's your baby."

"Cleo..." The doctor called me yanking me off my thoughts. "We're going to sedate you now, you'll fall asleep."

"No." I said in a rampant. The doctor looked at me and motioned a hand for the nurse to stop. "I can't do this... I am sorry. I don't want to do this... I want my baby."