Entry 1
Day 38
I ripped out all the old pages of my notebook, it kind of makes me happy that i got it towards the end of my lock up in the sky. I've never told anyone this but there was one guard, I never saw him or knew his name, but he was always so kind to me. He didn't treat me like a delinquent.
One day I was in my cell, it was about a year and a half in to solitary and I started to hear voices. Everyone who had ever been in my life. They said the cruelest things. I believed them.
I was a snake.
i didn't deserve to live.
I was born a bastard child and i'll die one...
My mom always seemed to be the one to say that though. I never understood , I still don't.
Anyways, I digress. This guard brought me this notebook and pen one day after a horrible episode, it ended with me screaming and crying balled up in. the corner of my cell. He opened the door and stepped inside. I thought he was there to shut me up so i pulled even further away and resorted to strangled pathetic whispers.
He kept his distance, but he set the items on the floor a few feet in front of me and crouched to eye level.
"Maybe, if your thoughts have a place to go, they won't hurt so much." He said in a kind gentle voice before standing and leaving.
He was right.
I had it for about a week before they came for me, only 10 pages. But that week was filled with nothing but bliss in my mind. Maybe i could've kept them, for whoever finds this when I'm gone. It doesn't seem right though. Our time in space seems so long ago. it doesn't matter anymore.
What matters is here and now. I have a war to fight. I have people to save and grounders and mountain men to kill.
I'm here, I'm alive, and Heda won't get her hands on me again. I will avenge Bellamy.
And I will Revel in the blood of those who cross me.
I snapped my journal closed when the door to my quarters flung open. I looked up to see Octavia, Clarke, and Raven standing in the middle of my room. All three of them had their arms crossed and they were settling with a mild glare in my direction.
"Why do I feel like you guys are here to arrest me?" I asked carefully, eyeing them wearily.
Octavia snorted. "Might as well be." The sound of her voice made my heart jump and I jumped out of bed wrapping my arms around the girls neck.
"Octavia!" She hugged me back and let out a light laugh.
"Hey Jen, it's good to see you alive." She said happily. "Anyways enough about me, back to what we're here for."
Raven let out a breathy laugh and Clarke gave a smile. I frowned. "I'm sorry i'm confused. What's going on?" I asked.
"Jen, every time we bring up Bellamy you-"
"Clarke-" I interrupted, my mind immediately jumping to Octavia who is probably still delicate about the subject. only to be interrupted with "- do that!" I was slightly taken aback. "I don't want to talk about it Clarke." I said lowly.
