LUCKY |Modern Sugar Daddy AU|

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"Kylo, I'm in love with you."

As soon as you spoke the words, an invisible weight lifted off your shoulders. 

But it didn't disappear. It was on your chest now, crushing your lungs, begging your heart to beat faster. 

He didn't dare look at you. He was completely still, utterly frozen, staring out at the endless slopes of green. A sob of frustration tumbled from your stinging throat. 

"You have to say something," you begged in a tattered voice.

The only proof of his conscious was his blinking eyes and the bobbing of his Adam's apple. You extended every ounce of your patience as seconds passed, maybe minutes, either way it felt like eternity. He wasn't allowed to do this. He wasn't allowed to shut you out again. He was allowed to deny you. He was allowed to yell. But he couldn't sit here, your heavy admittance hanging in the foggy air between you, and do nothing. 

You pushed yourself off the boulder, jeans scraping against the sharp sides, and stood with your chest heaving. You moved to face him, forcing him to look at you. His eyes were empty. His face was void of feeling. Meanwhile, yours was coated in tears, most likely stained pink from the cold. You were sure the double layer of mascara you had applied after your shower had smudged by now, smeared beneath your lashes. 

"We're past this, Kylo. Aren't we? We are so fucking far past the silent treatment."

Nothing. You felt like screaming. The initial anxiety was being drowned out by rage. 

"Open your fucking mouth and say something!" you shouted, not bothering to hide your fury. Despite your anger, your voice was injured, broken and cracking from the burden of heartache. Angry sobs were escaping with ease now. They rattled your lungs and tore through your throat, uneven heaving breaths that pushed tears down your cheeks.

"If you love me just say it, and if you don't love me that's fine but you have to fucking tell me," you yelled, your voice muffled by the growing wind. You took gulping breaths as you waited for his answer. His mouth parted for a moment, and you stepped closer, eyes flickering between his eyes and lips, desperate for an answer.

He slowly closed his mouth again, no sound escaping, and you sobbed deeply, turning away to hide your face as your hands threaded through your hair. You tugged sharply at the strands as you sobbed towards the hills. Maybe, they could save you, wrap you in their green embrace. 

"For fuck's sake, Kylo," you grumbled sadly.  "I'm going inside."

You pressed your fingers to your lips to keep your sobs contained as you started down the hill. You could barely see the grass beneath your feet--your eyes were too fogged by tears. So you strode aimlessly down the steep land. At first you dodged the muddiest spots, but after the first half of your descent, you couldn't bother. The thick clay clung to the bottom of your shoes, gripping at the heels of your sneakers. You didn't care. For a second you even reminded yourself that Kylo could always buy you a new pair. You weren't so sure that was true now.