Chapter six

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Calum's pov

I woke up before Ashton, I'm always the first one to wake up, I guess you could call me an early bird. One of the reasons I wanted to make sure I was up early was because I had my first counselling session today, nervous was an understatement, I haven't told any of the boys because I was nervous they were going to judge me, they seem to have everything sorted, I have nothing. I let out a sigh as I finished my shower, getting a towel and drying myself off while doing the shake and shimmy with the towel. Call me lame but it amused me, it amused me enough to start singing "look for the, bear necessities! the simple bear necessities!" I sang to myself but quickly stopped once I had heard Ashton burst out laughing, I must have woken him up, I walked out of the bathroom in my towel "oi!" I said looking at Ashton who had changed into his clothes yet was holding back on his laughter "morning Cal" he managed to get out, alright it was pretty funny, I couldn't be mad at him "morning" I said and chuckled "sorry about my bad singing"  "no no! you have a great voice! it's just the choice of song, that's all" Ashton said with a giggle. "Aha..I guess..Disney is kinda my guilty pleasure" I admitted "that's cool, I could never get into it personally" Ashton replied while lazily making his bed "aha fair..ima quick get changed, I have.. somewhere to be.." I said and quickly went back into the bathroom to get changed leaving a confused Ashton mumble "okay? no worries.."

Five minutes later I was all ready and was walking to the therapist's office. I saw a door on the right, but then I saw a door on the left and sighed "no Calum. This isn't the fucking Stanley Parable, this is your therapy session." I said to myself and knocked on the door "hello?" I heard footsteps come closer from the other side of the door, the door opening soon after, revealing a guy who looked to be in his early 30s with a fair amount of tattoos. He gave me a friendly smile "hello! you must be Calum" "hi..yes I am..what do I call you?" I timidly asked "come take a seat! you can call me Tyler" he said and took a seat "hi Tyler" I said and sat across from him, feeling my palms starting to go sweaty.

Tyler scanned through some papers before fully turning his attention me "so, tell me. What's on your mind? how are you feeling today?" he asked while getting his pen out. "Well..I'm okay I guess.." I started to say while feeling extremely nervous "not sure who I am still but.. getting there.." I added, Tyler gave me a reassuring smile "it's nice to hear you are getting there. Do you feel settled at the flat?" he asked while writing down my responses "well..I got into university and that's a good thing and I've made friends..but still.. somethings missing..I just..I just.." I tried to explain yet let out a sigh "I need to know what this empty feeling is" "you did, and it's a great achievement to have, you should remember to be proud of yourself for that just like others are of you. I bet your new friends are proud of you too. It's okay not to know what this feeling is, as long as you remember and work with me to be able to get past this feeling" Tyler replied with a supportive smile, I couldn't help but start to sob, not uncontrollably but enough to not be able to see straight through the tears "I know I know... but I feel like deep down they hate me...I can’t be myself...I can’t be anything...I am nothing..." Tyler passed me a box of tissues "they don't hate you Calum..I know it's hard to believe coming from me but you need to remind yourself of how much of a good spirit you have. You can be anything and everything you want to be, you just have to allow yourself to make that change" "I know.." I said with my voice cracking and getting rid of the stained tears on my cheeks with the tissues. "Thank you..I just hope my first class will be okay..hope the other students like me..but I'll try.." I said quietly "I'm sure it will be, you are studying a subject that you are passionate about and that makes you happy, filled with other students that feel the same, you aren't alone, never forget that Cal" Tyler said while looking into my eyes with care and concern.
Aw he called me Cal, not many people call me that "I guess so..how often will I be coming here? I'm nervous because..my mum wants me to come here. I'm upsetting her by telling her  that I just feel.. invisible.." I admitted shyly.

Tyler gave me another reassuring smile before responding "I say twice a week should be okay for now, one at the start of the week and one at the end, that way we can easily track your progress but feel free to come to me at any time. one day you will be able to openly talk to her about these type of things and it will all just be a bad memory" he said slid a rather btec leaflet towards me "this has some tips and coping mechanisms to help you as well" I looked at the leaflet that even had a big ghost emoji on it, and put it in my pocket "well.. I'll have a look at this. I best give my mum a phone call. Thanks for your time sir" I said and gave him a grateful smile "no worries at all" he replied and smiled back, getting up to open the door for me "Thanks Tyler, see you in a few days" I said and left the room, it was like a weight had been lifted off my chest but I only hoped that this feeling would last.

//
So the next few chapters are going to be pretty short I think, it will make sense as to why as it's continued so ye bro

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