Flatmates// Cake & Mashton

Chapter nine

Ashton's pov

Fuck

Shit

Fuck

As if I had just bumped into Michael when I wanted this to be kept a secret, I didn't want anyone to know I was going to counselling, I felt like people wouldn't believe me, people never think that I have mental health issues because I can be cheerful or confident a lot of the time, but in reality I was hurting just as much, I felt worry and concern towards Michael seeing that he was going as well, I wonder why..well I guess I'll have to think about that later, now was not the time.

"So, I'm Tyler. It's lovely to meet you Ashton. How can I help?" Tyler asked while putting on his glasses "so..I'm.." I started to say yet let out a sigh, I really hope he wasn't going to judge me like everyone else "I'm just very insecure about my body, so I use it in the wrong way. I sleep with people to get praise for it but it's just made me..a man whore bluntly" I admitted, Tyler gave out a sigh as well before replying "Ashton...it's up to you when it comes to who you do these things with, but you need to love yourself. If you don't respect yourself, other people won't. Why don't you like your body? Because you look absolutely fine to me. Every shape and size is perfect and it's what you've got at heart that counts." Tyler said while giving me a concerned look "I can't love myself when there is nothing to love. It's just hard..it's so fucking hard and people just expect me to be the how made myself out to be but it's not.. completely me? do you know what I mean?" I asked, hoping that I was making sense "hey hey, Ashton listen to me. You are perfect the way you are. You're unique, and most importantly, you're you. Every inch of you is perfect. I have to ask you a very important question. Are you being safe? regardless of your reasons for being promiscuous, it's always important. You need to wear condoms." Tyler said looking more concerned by the second, I feel like he already knew my answer "I don't believe that..I've tried to believe that but the more I do, the more flaws I find in myself.. no..not really..I don't really care..I know I should but I don't" I admitted, feeling like an idiot and taking a heavy sigh "Ashton, I'm not telling you to stop having sex but before you make the choice, take a look in the mirror, take a deep breath and think. "I'm better than this". Because you are. You don't need to provide people with lust for them to appreciate you, nor love you. Because you are loved for you, I believe that." Tyler said and gave me a reassuring smile "thank you..I appricate that.." I mumbled even though I knew I don't think I would dare to attempt to look in the mirror and do that, I hate what I see, I hate what I am. Tyler hesitantly handed me some condoms "take these, you don't understand the risks, they aren't worth it" I couldn't help but look at them like 😶 yet put them in my pocket for Tyler's sake. "You're perfect the way you are, you need to learn to love yourself okay?" Tyler said gently.

I stood up and started to feel tears form in my eyes and feeling completely overwhelmed all over, damn it Ash, I didn't like people seeing this side of me. "Yeah..yeah..I'll um, try to" I mumbled, Tyler passed me a leaflet that looked rather questionable with "so, you like to fuck?" written in big capital letters and all of the STI's symptoms written down, Jesus. "Here, take a look at this and we will have another session on Tuesday, remember to protect yourself, not just sexuality, but mentally. Take care of yourself.." Tyler said while giving me a worried look but a gentle smile formed on his lips. I nodded "thank you, I'll see you soon" "see you soon Ashton" Tyler said and he walked me to the door, the smile not leaving his face, I wish my smile would never leave my face but the smile doesn't seem to be there as often anymore.

I shoved the leaflet into my back pocket and walked back to the flat, hoping to take my mind off things. I hope that Michael was okay, he doesn't deserve to have to go to counselling.

//
So even though the past few chapters have been a little shorter, gives more insight as to why the boys are a certain way. Hope you guys are enjoying :)