A GIRL WHO LOVE FAIRYTALES
"Why are you always watching that shits?" My older brother yelled at me while turning off the television.
I stared at him blankly. Gan'to nalang lagi ang ginagawa n'ya, kung hindi niya papatayin ang T.V ililipat niya sa ibang channel.
He's always telling me that fairytales are craps. Ginawa lang daw ito para sa mga uto-utong naniniwala na magiging gan'on din ang buhay nila 'tulad ng mga bida sa fairytales.
"Linisan mo nga yung kwarto ko" rinig kong saad niya.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Kwarto mo 'yon, ba't ako ang maglilinis?"
"Aba't sumasagot kana! Ako ang mas nakakatanda sa'ting dalawa kaya susundin mo kung ano ang iutos ko"
Padabog akong umakyat sa kwarto niya para linisan ang mga kalat. He's always treated me like a slave every time our parents was not around.
I'm in the middle of fixing his bed when I heard a footsteps coming and a sudden locked of doors.
"You're not done yet?" His monotonous voice filled my ears.
Tinapos ko na ang paglilinis at humarap sa kan'ya.
"It's all done" bored kong sabi.
He chuckled. "Why not... we play a game?"
Nanindig ang mga balahibo ko sa sinabi niya. I know what's that game mean for. I was 7 when he started doing that game.
Agad akong napaatras at pinilit buksan ang naka locked na pinto. But looks like I'm wasting my strength.
"Cindy, you know how I miss doing that game with you. Our parents is not around, so..." nakangisi niyang sabi habang dahan-dahang lumalapit sa'kin.
He slowly caressing my face down to my lips. I can't help but to cry while he's enjoying his game.
Napahagulhol nalang ako habang yakap-yakap ang hubad kong katawan. Nandidiri ako sa sarili ko---nandidiri ako sa kapatid ko.
Naulit pa 'yon ng maraming beses, until i told my parents that I've been experienced sexual harassment, pero hindi ko masabing si kuya ang may gawa.
But guess what? They're all laughed at me. Kakapanood ko raw 'to ng mga fairytales kaya kung ano-ano nalang daw ang iniisip ko.
I locked myself in my room and cried, 'yun lang naman ang magagawa ko. Who the fvck would believe me if I say that my brother is the one who harassed me, of course none, even my friends they don't believe in me... ang sabi pa nila gumagawa lang ako ng kwento para siraan ang kapatid ko.
I was 16 when my father died. That was the worst part of my life. My father is my hero back then, sinabi ko sa kan'ya ang pinanggagawa ni kuya. At first hindi siya naniwala not until he saw Kuya harassed me. He beat my brother until kuya lost his consciousness, parang hindi na anak ang turing ni Papa sa kan'ya. And after that, itinigil na ni kuya ang pinanggagawa niya sa'kin.
Pero ngayon wala na si Papa, he left me alone. Wala nang magtatanggol sa'kin.
How I wish i have a superpowers like what fairies have. How I wish i have a fairy godmother to grant all my wishes. I want my father back, siya lang ang kakampi ko sa mundo ng realidad.
I was 17 when my mom introduced her new husband to us. I don't have any choice but to accept him in our family even though I don't like him, wala naman akong magagawa desis'yon 'yan ng Mama ko.
"How's your day my dear sister?" Nagulat ako nang makita si Kuya na nakaupo sa kama ko.
"W-What are you doing here?" kabado kong tanong.
He smirked. "To play a game with you" saad niya at p'wersahan akong pinahiga sa kama.
I can't do anything but to cry and cry. I'm helpless. I'm not that strong to defend myself.
'Mula no'ng nawala si Papa sinimulan niya ulit ang laro niya.
I'm suffering from depression and my Mom doesn't even care, she's always busy with her new dearly husband.
One of my friend introduced RPW to me, it's a fake world where you can do anything and make friends with strangers.
I enter RPW to ease my pain in reality. Sa mundong 'to inilabas ko lahat ng hinanakit ko sa realidad. I met a bunch of friends that I talked to every time I'm sad and feel depressed.
I met this guy named Lawrence, he confessed his feelings, he courted me and i said 'yes'. Even though it's a fake world, my feelings for him is real.
Laging siya ang nakakausap ko every time na umiiyak ako dahil sa pinanggagawa ng kuya ko. Like in fairytales, he stand as my knight in shining armor, he saved me from sadness. He treated me like a Queen, while he's my King.
But, like what they said every fairytales has an ending. Lawrence suddenly disappeared without saying any words. Gayon din ang mga naging kaibigan ko sa mundong 'to. They are all gone.
So i decided to create another account and like when you're new in this world you'll meet a bunch of friends.
I confessed my experienced in real world, ang mga pang aabuso ng kuya ko. But I never thought na pagtatawanan lang nila ako. They're making fun 'bout me. Gumagawa lang daw ako ng k'wento para magpapansin.
That's it! I thought i was totally escaping reality. Hanggang sa mundong 'to sinusundan ako ng realidad. Realidad na walang taong maniniwala sa'kin, bagkus ay huhusgahan at pagtatawanan ka lang nila.
I was 18 when my step-father harassed me. Like what my brother's did, he molested my body until he feel satisfied. Pinagpasa-pasahan lang nila ako. And I can't help but to cry and cry, inaabuso nila ang kahinaan ko.
I wish someone will come and beat them up, like what I've watched in fairytales. A Knight in shining armor will saved me from this harassment, but it's all in my imagination thou.
Sinabi ko ang lahat-lahat kay Mama, but what as I expected she didn't believe in me. She said, i am really fond of fairytales that's why I'm making a story na hindi kapani-paniwala.
Sana nga k'wento nalang 'yon diba? Sana nga.
I even talk to the authorities and report my case, but like what reality is... they need evidence and money. Anong magagawa ko? I am just a student, i don't have enough money to get a lawyer to defend me.
Idagdag pa ang mga taong hinuhusgahan ako kesyo gumagawa lang daw ako ng k'wento. That's the reality, no one will believe in you unless they'll saw it with their own eyes.
I'm hoping that my knight in shining armor will come along and save me from this pain reality.
I'm hoping that my fairy godmother will grant all my wish, truly.
I'm hoping that my Prince Charming come and love me endlessly.
But like what they said, Fairytales isn't real.
There's no Knight in shining armor who will save me from this pain reality.
There's no fairy godmother who will grant all my wishes, truly.
There's no Prince Charming who'll love me endlessly.
How sad I'm living in this cruel reality.
That's why i love fairytales that has a happy ending because my life wasn't. Fairytales is my escape from reality, Reality who fvcked my life up.
How I wish to be one of those princesses in fairytales who found their happiness and true love, because in reality you can't.
How I wish to have a freedom and tell the world what i feel, but I can't 'cause I'm living in this reality, reality that no one believes in me.
I'm stuck in fairytales that they said isn't real,
Hoping that someone will save me from this hell.
But,
I am living in reality who fvcked my life---so cruel.
I can't do anything
But, to keep on fighting.
Words by: (Zynné Tinson)-ZynnnLy-
