The Beatles Imagines

paul

1964
҂

My darling boy,

I would never dream of having to write this letter to you, but it's for the best. It means we won't have to do it face to face.

I saw the pictures, how could i not have? I can't walk down the street to the bakery or round to church on a Sunday without seeing the pictures on the front of newspaper's. Whats worse is that it's your fault and i am being shamed. Me? A women who loved you unconditionally.

The worst thing is no matter what i cannot possibly, ever, stop loving you. Even when i saw the pictures or when we were together and you left before me but didn't get home till after i put it off - my Paul. The Paul i love wouldn't act like this, but i suppose nothing is the same now. And it won't ever be the same. First i was the girl dating Paul McCartney, then i was the girl being cheated on by Paul McCartney and now I'm the girl who left Paul McCartney.

I keep having these flashbacks from whenever you came home from Hamburg and you were skin and bone and didn't leave bed for days because you were so tired. And i didn't either, i remember your head on my chest and your voice singing medleys in my ear. I hear your laugh that boystrous loud laugh that i could listen to for a lifetime, my boy, this isn't you anymore.

This is coming from a girl who would have anything for you, if she could have any guy she still would've picked you.

I kept expecting you too change, because i believed in you, and us, but now i have given up on us too.

All the photos and in every one im smiling it's horrible, having to pretend. I'm fed up pretending i want to live! I wanted to live with you, and i wrote so many letters before this one and i crumpled them up because in everyone i seemed to make it out to be my fault but it isn't, none of this is.

Mike phoned last night as i was decorating our flat for your birthday and making a big cake and i had all your presents wrapped and he just laughed. At me. Not a malicious or condescending way but in a way that made me realise something.

"why should i try so hard when you aren't even trying at all?"

And i realised my mistake in that moment; making you a priority when i was nothing but your second choice.

I keep doing this thing were i hurl insults at myself because i don't hate you i never could! I love you more than anything and i keep imagining that your here touching me, telling me that you love me, making me feel loved. While your of  doing this with somebody else.

I suppose thats how you know you really love someone, when you can't hate them for breaking your heart.

Nothing hurts more than watching the man you love with another girl. or girls in your case.

I can't and i won't watch it anymore, Paul.

Don't make the same mistakes with Jane that you made with me, nobody deserves that.
Visit liddypool every now and then London isn't all that.

Enjoy the prezzies at home, love.

goodbye

xx