Beginner's Luck ▪︎ Dixie D'amelio/You

19. broken shell

Madison.

After I finished practice, I just wanted to go home and be alone. I knew my parents wouldn't be home, they'd been away a lot lately, and that used to bother me, but at that moment it was a relief, looking into their eyes hadn't been feeling so good.

Leaving the locker room, I tried to walk fast and avoid my teammates and get to my car as fast as possible.

"Hey, are you heading home?" I heard a voice, looking to my side and finding Claudia.

"Yes." I said and kept walking.

"Want company?" My best friend asked. I clenched my jaw and took a deep breath. I knew looking at her wasn't an option, so I just responded to her as normally as I could.

"I actually have to rehearse our new dance. You know, for that big game." I explained.

"Oh, ok. Text me when you get home?" She responded. I nodded and walked away, finally finding my car.

From the drivers' seat, I watched my best friend walk away. Looking at Claudia had become so painful, but I still loved it, it brought some peace back into me, and I knew I'd go through any kind of pain to be near her, even if it was like that.

I sighed in relief when I got home, laying on my bed and turning on some music in an attempt to escape my own thoughts.

In between my loud music, I heard the doorbell ring. Furrowing my eyebrows, I got up and went to the front the door. I stopped in front of it, wondering if I'd truly heard something. Another ring confirmed my question. My parents always told me to look at the security cameras first, but I was always too lazy to listen, so I just opened the door. (Y/N) was standing there.

"Uhm, hello?" I asked confused.

"I know you're not ok." She blurted out, making me raise an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, taken back by her sudden words.

"I think I might know what's going on with you, and I know how bad it is." Dixie's teammate explained, I scoffed, there was no way she knew how that felt.

"You must be mistaken, I really need to get back to..."

"Madison, can you listen to me for a second?" She asked carefully, almost as if she were scared I'd slam the door on her face. I sighed.

"Come in." I said. I hope I don't regret this.

I closed the door behind her and guided her towards my backyard, sitting down away from my mom's flowers. We already knew what happened when (Y/N) came too close to them.

"I know you won't tell me if I'm right, so I'll just go straight to the point." She told me, sitting by my side. I stayed silently, waiting for her to speak up.

"So, my dad isn't one of the coolest people around, and I've always had a rough time being around him. I was always scared of him, and that somehow made me scared of myself. What if parts of me made him angry? That would suck." She started. I narrowed my eyes, trying to get her point.

"A while ago I realized I was different from the person he wanted me to be. It took months until my sister made me talk about what was going on, and the months before she did were dark. I know we're not close but I don't want you to go through pain like that alone." Her story surprised me, because I was actually starting to relate to it. My heart started racing again.

"(Y/N), I...."

"I know things are confusing right now, but you'll find your way. Just... don't feel bad about it." The girl by my side cut me off.

"You probably think it's best to do it alone, but things get so much better when someone's around to hold us down. I just wanted you to know that when you feel safe to talk about it, I'll be around to hold you down." She finished, I looked into her eyes for a second and her gaze wasn't judging anymore, it was soft, almost tender.

"I'll go, but you have my number. Call me if your thoughts get too confusing." She got up, still looking carefully at me.

"Why do you think I'm in pain?" I asked, getting up to face her.

"The way you acted after we did that assignment, and your... expression. It just reminded me of myself." (Y/N) explained.

I sighed and looked at her. I couldn't even bare to tell her to leave. Maybe I could've been harsh and told her off if she hadn't said those things. There was nothing else to say. (Y/N) knew, she saw right through my shell, and I wasn't sure wether or not I was thankful for it.

And then my shell broke down.

I grabbed her by the neck and collided our lips aggressively. I could hear her surprised gasp, but her hands soon laid on my waist and her lips started to rub against mine. My heart was beating aggressively against my chest and my whole skin felt like it was on fire. Her hands held me firmly, I felt my shaky legs straighten as I relaxed under her, my body exploding at the new feeling.

That was different from all the kisses I had until then. I felt like we were only one person as our lips collided, I explored her mouth hungrily. I thought that would make me break down, but I felt strong, I felt real. As terrified as I was, my arms and legs felt firm. My whole body seemed too light and, for the first time, I felt like I existed.

That was the real me, and it was terrifying, but it was also magical.