Beginner's Luck ▪︎ Dixie D'amelio/You

23. giving you an out

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Dixie.

(Y/N) took a while to finish the call, her back turned to me while I waited. I was starting to get impatient. To be honest, I was starting to get impatient most of the time she wasn't around it, and although that worried me, reminding me that those feelings were dangerous, I didn't think it could be too serious, I just wanted to be around her.

Finally, she turned around, but the look on her face made me furrow my eyebrows.

"Look, Dixie, I gotta go." (Y/N) said, her voice trembling and hands shaky, I got up and walked towards her. She looked down.

"Hey, what happened?" I questioned softly.

"Please, don't ask." She asked in a low tone, still not looking up at me.

"(Y/N)..."

"Look, I really have to go, I can't be here." She interrupted me, trying to contain her voice and probably tears.

"You'll just make me worried." I complained, she scoffed.

"Do you care?" (Y/N) asked, I raised an eyebrow in response.

"What kind of question is this?" I asked back

"I'm giving you an out, you don't need to ask questions to be polite." Her voice became firm and harsh.

"I'm not asking questions to be polite." I replied, what kind of dumb statement was that?

"You really shouldn't care about me." She shook her head, making me even angrier, where was that coming from?

"Who said that I do?" I rolled my eyes.

"If you didn't you'd just let me go home." My teammate retorted.

"You know what? I'm still not ready for this shit." I said harshly.

"What shit?" (Y/N) raised her voice, looking annoyed.

"This." I pointed towards us.

"You're not ready to care about me?" She asked.

"Maybe I'm not, and I don't think you're ready to let me." I said, my voice going back to normal. Suddenly, I felt drained.

"In 3 months I won't be here anymore, Dixie." Her voice took a sudden soft, almost careful tone.

"There is no time for us, is it?" I asked, my chest starting to hurt.

"Not if we're gonna care too much." She smiled weakly, her eyes still watery.

"Look, I have to go. I'm sorry, Dixie." (Y/N) told me, turning her back and leaving, not letting me say anything back.

I didn't know if she was sorry for leaving or for that conversation. Either way, she was right. My heart was aching because I felt worried, and it hurt even more because I knew that it wasn't my place to be.

In the end, she was right. There was never time for us.

I thought I'd only spend a couple hours feeling that way, but the week went by and my chest was still heavy. It was difficult looking at her during practice, coach Stevens even gave me a hard time, but she wasn't wrong. My performance wasn't as good with my heart aching like that.

Charli had already realized that I wasn't on my best mood, leaving me no choice but to tell her what happened. She might have given me advice, but I wasn't listening to anything other than my own mind lately. Claudia was too worried about Madison, who was barely talking to us and kissing what seemed like every senior in the male football team. It was safe to say that all of us were going through odd things.

By Friday, I was already annoyed at myself. Why did our conversation bother me so much? She was probably fine by then, and her words were still on my mind, along with the feeling that came from touching her. I was too reckless, but it was also too quick.

"Dix? Are you ok?" Charli asked for the 5th time, I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, just deciding which mascara to wear." I lied.

"Uhm... you just have one." She muttered, making me sigh.

"Here, you can use mine." My younger sister said softly, handing me her mascara, I smiled weakly.

"Promise me you'll try to have fun tonight, you've been sad all week." Charli pleaded.

"I'm not sad, I'm just tired." I replied, starting to apply the mascara, making a mess as soon as it touched my eyelashes.

"Jesus, give it to me." She chuckled, picking up the tube and helping me.

"What about Chase? Is he coming?" I asked.

"Don't move your head!" She slapped my arm.

"If he says a word to you, I'll kick his ass." I warned.

"He's still my boyfriend, Dix." Charli reminded me.

"He's an idiot." I groaned.

"Let's just try to have fun, ok?"

(Y/N).

The idea of being without Dixie bothered me more than it should. The week went by and I had a headful. I wondered if going to Madison's was the right thing to do, Dixie would probably be there and for all I knew she didn't even know my name anymore.

I ended up deciding to go, I could use a drink and some loud music. If I said I had no ideia why the team captain was on my mind so much, I would be lying, but if I said it out loud it would only hurt more. Bottom line was: We were better apart.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I sighed. My face looked the same as always, and no one there knew me enough to tell the difference between my happy expression and my confused one. Maybe Dixie could, but I didn't think she could anymore.

Some girls from the team offered me a ride, which I gladly took. They were excited, singing songs out loud and laughing, I mimicked their actions, trying ti feel the same way. It worked sometimes, and I hoped my mind would be lighter after that party.

We arrived at Madison's and the loud music coming from her party swallowed ours. Getting out of the car, I took a deep breath. What could go wrong?