Beginner's Luck ▪︎ Dixie D'amelio/You

30. i can't do this

Dixie.

Soon enough, it was the day before the big game. After our talk inside my car, (Y/N) and I pretended that nothing happened. Thing was, I couldn't think when I was around her, and when I did think, all I realized was how much she affected me. The fact that I knew what was secretly hurting her had probably only made it worse, because I felt like being there, like holding her, worried that she'd break, even though it was none of my business.

"I really though we'd be more excited about this game." Claudia mumbled as we took our bags to the bus.

"Yeah, I'm not in the best mood." I replied.

"Has Madison talked to you?" My friend asked, every time she brought up Madison I felt bad for knowing more than she did, Claudia was supposed to know what bothered Madison so much, but instead I did, and all I did about it was yell at her.

"No, not really." I responded.

"What about (Y/N)?" She asked.

"Not a word, but we agreed to it." I explained, making my friend sigh.

"I still think that's a stupid agreement." Claudia told me.

"Yeah, everyone does, but she's leaving in a couple weeks and I'm not up for crying." I groaned.

"Did you know Madison and (Y/N) are sharing an hotel room?" She asked me, making me raise an eyebrow.

"I'm not that surprised." I said, trying not to be bothered.

"I miss her." Claudia told me.

"You should tell her." I replied, looking at her.

"She hasn't talked to me since her party, and even though I think I know why, it doesn't matter." My teammate responded.

"I'd be mad if my best friend just did what she did to you, you're too kind." I shrugged.

"I am mad, but I'm worried, I know that something's up."

Yeah, something was definitely up.

Madison.

"Excited about the trip?" (Y/N) asked, sitting by my side, I smiled at her.

"Of course, are you excited about sharing a room?"'i asked back.

"Obviously, I'm sharing a room with a hot girl." She shrugged, making me laugh.

"Maybe you'll share more than a room." I got closer to her, looking down at her lips. She smirked.

"I hope they have a large shower." (Y/N) spoke, her eyes burning my skin.

"It would be more fun if they didn't." I said, my voice raspy as I devoured her with my eyes. She was so charming, so attractive, her ways almost fully hypnotized me, but, in the end, she wasn't....

"Fine, I can't do this." I stepped back, burrowing my face inside my hands.

"Do what?" (Y/N) raised an eyebrow.

"Look, you're crazy attractive, but my friend's in love with you and I'm... in love with my other friend." I found myself saying, the words leaving my mouth with an odd ease.

"Do you want to name those friends?" The soccer player asked.

"I've never said it out loud." I gulped, feeling all my fear wash over me again, I had already said too much.

"I can keep a secret." She insisted. I took a deep breath. I was terrified to even think those words, but I also felt suffocated, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"It's Claudia, it's always been her, and I don't know how to be around her anymore, it hurts too much to hide it." I blurted out, my heart rushing and my palms sweating. That was it. I was madly in love with my best friend.

"I think you should tell her." (Y/N) said simply.

"You make it sound easy." I scoffed.

"Look, from my point of view, you'll ruin the friendship by acting weird, why don't you just ruin it by telling the truth?" She explained, making me think for a second.

"You have a point but... she doesn't even know that I like girls, I didn't even know that until a while ago." I responded.

"She's your best friend, do you think it matters?" The other girl questioned.

"I'll think about it." I told her.

"Do you promise?" (Y/N) asked, I just nodded, feeling my back lighter, saying those words out loud had a power over me that I didn't expect, I felt thankful for gathering the courage to say them.

"So, do you want to name that other friend now?" The other girl spoke out, I chucked.

"You really don't realize that Dixie's in love with you?" I asked.

"I'm in love with her too, you know." (Y/N) told me, I wasn't even too surprised, I could tell just by the way they looked at each other on the field.

"Then why are you sharing a hotel room with me instead of her?" I chuckled.

"I guess love's just not enough." She shrugged.

"I think that's bullshit, you're just scared." I responded.

"That's easy to say, aren't you scared to show Claudia who you are?" (Y/N) retorted, I sighed.

"Terrified, but you know that Dixie feels the same. If I knew that Claudia loves me back I'd... I'd face anything, even myself." I said, knowing that every single word was real.

"I don't think we'd handle distance well." (Y/N) said.

"Would you quit looking for excuses? You're wasting time, you're already in love, you leaving is already going to crush you, you might as well use the time you have!" I complained.

"If I use the time I have, will you use yours with Claudia?" She raised an eyebrow.

"It's not that easy." I crossed my arms.

"That's what I'm telling you!" The soccer player complained.

"Well I guess we'll just have to sit in our hotel rooms and paint our nails." I sighed.

"Seems fun." She said in a monotone way, making me laugh.

"I'll kiss you once." I replied, (Y/N) laughed in response.

"I don't want you kissing me while you think of Claudia!" The other girl complained, I laughed louder.

"Like you wouldn't be thinking of Dixie!" I defended myself.

"I really hope we can make things right." (Y/N) told me after we stopped laughing.

"Maybe we will."