Beginner's Luck ▪︎ Dixie D'amelio/You

31. don't ever walk away from me

Madison

The first day was slow, since Dixie was the captain and she looked miserable, it reflected onto the whole team. Coach Stevens gave her a hard time, yelling at her in front of everyone (including the cheerleaders). When the game finally came, no one looked too stoked for it.

The locker room was empty, all the girls going to the field to warm up. I decided to stay back, trying to get my shit together. That was when a known voice caught my attention.

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" It was Claudia.

"Please, I'm not mad at you." I rolled my eyes.

"Then what is it? I can't take this anymore, Madison. You're my best friend and lately you won't even talk to me. What changed?" Claudia said in a higher tone and walked closer to me. I walked away. I can't do this.

"Claudia, not now." I sighed, looking down.

"What's going on? Have I done anything? Just tell me." She pleaded, looking at me with sadness in her eyes, that broke my heart, how can I focus on anything else when she's acting like that?

"You haven't. I'm just..... I just..."

"I miss you, I have been through so much and you weren't there. There were times where I just needed to hug you and you weren't there. I miss you, I miss you so much and you don't seem to care." She said, her voice breaking, I felt a lump in my throat.

"Do you honestly think I don't care? I do, I care too much, Claudia. That's the whole point, I care so much it hurts." I retorted, walking closer to her.

"Why won't you talk to me? I can't get you, and I used to." Claudia asked, I closed my eyes.

"Honestly? I don't get me either. Just, please Claudia let's do this another time, you have an important game." I pleaded.

"I'm tired of you walking away." She retorted, coming closer to me.

"What do you want from me?" I sighed.

"I want you." She cried, stroking my face softly, I shut my eyes, avoiding her gaze.

"I want you to hold me when I'm scared, I want you to make me laugh and hold my hand, I want you to say you love me when I'm having a bad day because that's all I've needed for so long. You haven't said you love me in so long and it hurts. I miss us." She said, crying and sobbing. That broke my heart.

"That's the problem." I sighed, feeling tears escape my eyes.

"How can that be a problem?" I heard her sob.

"I'm in love with you, Claudia." I let out and heard her gasp. Opening my eyes, I met a confused Claudia, her eyes wide, her hands still on my face, her lips parted. She looked so beautiful, and I was so scared.

"Do you.... you... like girls?" She stuttered.

"Oh for God's sake." I groaned and walked away from her grip.

"Madison, I...." She started.

"Don't. Just don't." I cried and left the locker room. How was I supposed to have that conversation before a game like that? How could I focus on anything after that? My hands were shaking, my eyes let out tears even though I was trying to hold them in. Leaving Claudia like that made me sad. I wasn't leaving, I was running away, because I was scared. I had loved her for a long time, and it took me long to realize. Things just seemed easier when she was just my best friend, but I wasn't the same person, and I just needed time, I wasn't expecting her to confront me.

When I got to the field, Dixie was stretching away from everyone else, her gaze on some random point. We were all going through so much, and she was the person who needed to focus on the game more than anything. But I knew she didn't have her mind on the game, and I couldn't blame her anymore.