For the Emperor

Chapter 11

In honour of Adam's birthday, here's an extra chapter for you all! Happy birthday you rudely large man x 

Trigger warning: suicide, depression

This is a heavy one so please proceed with caution and only carry on if you're in the right frame of mind

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You couldn't take anymore. 

Weeks of being trapped within the marble constraints of the tower had started to drive you insane. You knew he wanted you to be safe, but you were losing your mind.

You felt like you were suffocating, and he wasn't even around to calm you. When Kylo said he'd have to accompany you into town, you felt secure in the idea that you could still go and experience life outside the walls of his chambers. But since that day, you had only ventured out together a handful of times.

Tensions had grown on one of the neighbouring planets, a new wave of resistance had appeared, and the Order was adamant on tackling it quickly; killing off the virus before it spread. This meant that much of your collective time was taken up strategizing or planning assaults on enemy bases. Most days you would wake to an empty bed as Kylo would be called into emergency talks. Loneliness was beginning to overcome you; the four black walls of your suite beginning to feel like a cage.

It'd been a week since the Order deployed troops, overseen by Kylo and you'd heard nothing from him. No word of his safety or progress against the resistance. It was the first time you'd been apart and your heart was aching. The loneliness consumed you, fear engulfed your heart and you couldn't take anymore. 

Your kind heart had been replaced by an empty void. Your other half had disappeared and the demons inside your mind told you he was never coming back. 

No interaction, no routine, no change. Your days had merged into an empty void. All you had was your thoughts, and that felt like torture. Things became so dark inside of you; there was no warmth and hope had all but diminished.

The guards at the door never came in; they were simply in place to stop you leaving. You couldn't even look to them for the social interaction you craved so badly.

There'd always been a darkness inside of you. It started from a young age, when your parents initially became involved with the First Order. They would spend days away at a time, travelling to conferences and rallies, volunteering in any way they could while you stayed home alone. Fear and anxiety would consume your mind in the time you spent alone; you knew they loved you and they were only doing what they thought would help secure a better future for you. Whenever they returned, you were greeted with as much love and affection as possible. They were never gone for more than a few days, but each time your mind would run into dark places that scared you.

You hadn't felt this darkness in years. Being with Kylo, and then Thomas, meant that you hadn't truly felt alone in a long time. But in the past few weeks, with only the suns in the sky as company, you mind wandered back to the darkness and you couldn't find the strength to fight it anymore.

You knew you wouldn't be disturbed. It was all too much, and you couldn't take anymore.

Tears spilling from your eyes, you placed a handwritten note on his pillow and made your way into the bathroom. 

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A short one, but a lead up to big things soon to follow