Collateral Love

Chapter 21

I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. I squirmed around, in hopes it would go away, but sadly it was a fail. I feel utterly stupid. I let Kadin get into my head again. I can't truly like him. I had to been caught it in the moment. Maybe I am just not used to the male attention in that way. I need to be free though. I can't allow myself to be here any longer. I almost let myself just settle with all of this. Take it all in and accept this as my life. No. I deserve more than being held under the thumb of Kadin. 

Now should be when he trusts me the most. No one is guarding me. No one is suspicious of me at all. I feel guilty but what else can I do. I don't even know where I would go, my only family are dead. Should I just run as far as possible? 

I quickly shake off the headache and get out  of bed. I change into something comfortable. Something I can move around in. Kadin has been training me to protect myself. I am so thankful for that, but I don't belong here. I never did and I most certainly never will. The only thing that stumps me is how Kadin actually feels. He can't actually like me I'm not stupid. There has to be more to it. 

I honestly don't really care to find out that information though. I just wanna live my life under my terms. Not anyone else's.  I never thought I would be the one to end up in a position like this. My life is turned upside down. I'm left with absolutely nothing but myself. Leaving California is gonna be one of the hardest things. All my memories is here, not the best ones. Nothingness childhood memories surface here. 

I notice a piece of paper on my dresser that had my name on it. It looked like a letter or note whatever you wanna call it. I quickly opened it and realized that it came from Kadin.

Dear Chloe,

I will be out for majority of the day. I'm sorry something came up with a rival gang. Everyone is with me. Just stay in the house don't leave. I trust you and will see you when I get home tonight.

That was it. He didn't sign off his name or anything. I guess we are both thinking very differently about our actions last night. Our maybe I am thinking too much into this. I don't know. All I know is now is the perfect time to get the fuck out of here and continue my life the way I wanted it to happen. I figure I could go to Arizona, find a quick job, try and apply at a community college after getting my GED. I'll have to sleep on the streets for a while if I can't find anywhere to go. Who am I kidding know I won't. I don't care though. I will get back on my feet.

I pack  a light bag. A couple outfit changes, toiletries, I grabbed some snacks from the kitchen, and basically anything else I could fit and I thought I could handle carrying. One thing I know is Kadin always keeps and emergency stash of cash in his office. Its nearly 3 grand. I will only be taking a few hundred. I hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the ass but too be honest I don't think he will really notice. He is always getting into it. Especially to help pay for my makeover. 

I decided on taking more than just a few hundred. Granted he put me into a skimpy ass outfit and made me do that shit and watch someone die... Yet I don't get payed for that? I don't think so. Besides I need money for the bus ticket. I'm not that far off from Los Angeles. All I need is a bus ticket from Los Angeles to Phoenix Arizona. 

I went through my bag and made sure I had everything I needed. I decided to grab Kadin's office gun as well. He keeps it stashed in a drawer that's locked in his desk. Do men not understand that a bobby pin can pick almost any lock? Oh well at least I have the up most protection. 

I grabbed everything and darted out the door. I contemplated stealing one of his vehicles, but I really don't want them to trace where I am going. That would be pointless and could possibly risk my life considering I don't know how this man truly feels or thinks. I don't know why I though after a short amount of time I could know someone so well. He could have been easily fooling me the whole time.

I am so glad I packed light because a walk to the bus station is 43 minutes. I am also glad I was smart enough to grab more than one bottle of water. I grabbed 5. My lucky number has always been 5. I don't know why to be honest it always soothed me. When I was younger to calm myself down whenever my parents argued I just counted to 5.  They got really nasty at each other whenever I was really young. It was probably when ever I was 7 whenever I saw my father hit my mom. I don't really like thinking about it or talking about it. I never saw him lay a hand on her ever after that. Their arguing also died down, but so did their presence once I entered my preteens. It doesn't matter anymore though because they are gone. 

I sigh kicking rocks around. Cars passing me, children making funny faces sticking their tongues out. Clueless to what the real world is like. I was once like that too. Kadin ruined that. I had hope before that. I can't believe I watched him murder someone and still let him hold me. I can't believe I told him I love him either. Can I get any more stupid or will I just walk in front of a bus. I won't answer that.

In 15 minutes I will be at the bus station. Then I will wait 20 minutes for the 11:00 AM bus ride to Phoenix Arizona. My stomach started making a fuss, I brought enough snacks to hold me over till I get there. Then once I find a hotel to stay at I will start looking for jobs. Maybe I can get something to eat and just look for places to apply then. Things are looking up for me. I know its not over, I know it gets even harder before it gets easier. Yet this second, I feel at peace. Not completely, but I feel it somewhat, and its really nice to feel that again.

I have finally arrived to the Los Angeles bus station. My sides hurt from the paranoid speed walking I was doing. I know he said he wouldn't be back till later but things change and you can never be too safe. 

I give out a big sigh and enter the station. I see a bored lady sitting behind Plexiglass. There were 5 different sized slits for us to be able to communicate. There were other lady's too, this was the only one that was open. Boy she sure looks super friendly. Not.

"Hi, could I get a bus pass to Phoenix Arizona please." I said softly. I grabbed my pack, rummaged around for my money. My body relaxed once my hand found the wad of cash I had stashed in my bag. 

"That will be $37." She said not even looking up from the ticket producer. Not sure what else I should call it. She handed me my ticket and receipt. "Your bus will be leaving in 10 minutes, you can wait over there and they will call you then. Bathrooms are over there." She said a lazily pointed across the room to a hallway that leads to the restrooms. 

I just smiled and nodded. I couldn't bother to say thank you. She was so rude and I already feel so drained from this journey. If only she knew what I was actually dealing with. Although I'm not so sure that would change her attitude towards me or anyone lese for that matter. 

I decided to quickly use the restroom. I drank a fair amount of water on the way here and I will be on a bus for over 7 hours. I know there will be a bathroom on there but I have always been so scared of someone else being in there. I hate the idea of knocking and someone being in there. It's just awkward. I washed my hands and decided to run some cold water over my face. It's just nice to feel a little refreshed. I dry my hands and throw all my trash away from the walk.

Now it's just time to wait. My leg shaking profusely. My anxiety is at its all time high. I have never felt anxiety this bad before. I'm just so scared I'm not gonna make it. I didn't have to worry about hat for long though. The next thing I knew they were calling my bus timing and it was time for me to go. I felt a little relief but not much. Now I just got to face a bus ride thinking about a new state. New everything really. It's really scary but something I had to do for myself. 

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I know I know FINALLY. I cannot apologize enough for how much I suck at updating. The only thing I can really say is life is crazy. You know what else is crazy? ALL OF YOU GUYS READING THIS RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT. Thank you so fucking much!!! Pardon my French... Lol

I love you all, I hope you enjoyed the Chapter. I hope you all know I am determined to finish this book and have no intentions on giving up on it!!

                                                                                                                                                                       - Heaven