Love You Goodbye: Jack

359 11 1
                                    

Daniel: 27
Jonah: 27
Jack: 25
Corbyn: 25
Zach: 24
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Summary: I don't deserve them, I never deserved them. He tells himself that over and over again, hoping it'll make what he's about to do easier, but it never does. Why doesn't it make it easier?

Jack's POV
I don't deserve this.

They deserve better.

I don't deserve them.

I sang the mantra over and over, letting it fill my head and consume me completely, forcing myself to accept this as a simple fact of life.

I had gotten lucky, that was all.

I wasn't meant for them, meant to experience this strange, ubforgettable, incredible bond we shared.

They shared.

It's not mine.

I was never supposed to be an inside witness to this unexplainable love that they gave so effortlessly.

It had never been that easy for me.

Remembering weak excuses and avoided gazes.

This was never meant for me.

" So, what did you wanna talk about?" Zach's soft, sweet voice cutting through my monologue.

" Is it about why you've been so distant?" Daniel spoke up next, standing behind the couch Zach and Corbyn sat on.

Jonah watched me curiously, while Corbyn did it through narrowed, suspicious eyes.

Why did it feel like he was seeing through me?

Like he knew my every thought?

Like he already knew what I was gonna say?

" Yeah, actually. It is," I scratched at my bicep, looking at the carpet," I've... I've been thinking a lot recently... and... I-I...", how was I supposed to tell them? What was I supposed to say?

" I don't think I can do this anymore," I finally whispered, not daring to meet their gazes.

" What?" It was Jonah, voice soft with disbelief, as if nothing dumber had ever been spoken.

" I don't wanna do this anymore."

I want you more than anything.

" Us, I mean," motioning between all of us," I don't want it."

" You're lying," Zach argued, standing up and walking over to me," you're lying, I know you are."

He was right in front of me. The hand on my cheek forcing me to look at him.

He was confused, forehead wrinkled and eyes dark.

Maybe he was a little hurt too.

" You're lying," his lips met mine, pulling me into a slow, shallow kiss.

Of course I returned, not at all realizing the trap he had laid down.

He let me push back, let me deepen it.

He let my hands lay on his waist, let me pull him just a little closer. Helplessly craving the lips I had grown so used too, the lips that could keep me up all night long with kiss after kiss.

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