Under the Influence

Chapter 68

I was freaking out. These past few months have been crazy to say the least. So much has happened and changed, but the biggest change in both Kyle and my own life, he didn't even know about. He had no idea that I was pregnant. And he definitely had no idea that we lost the baby.

He was about to walk into my new home that I bought without him, and I was going to tell him about our child. And it was so damn scary. He could react a number of ways, but now more than ever, I realized I need him. I need him to know about this secret that I've been holding so close to me. I needed his support and comfort while we grieve because today showed me that sometimes, you need someone. Even if that person isn't someone you thought you needed.

When he rang the doorbell, I nearly didn't get up. I was just terrified. I didn't get dressed up. I couldn't bear to be in the same clothes anymore from earlier, so I simply put on some sweatpants and a hoodie. Not my best look, but it matched my mood. I had washed my face, clear of makeup smudges and tears, hopefully.

I opened the door and finally saw Kyle for the first time in so long. Seeing him everyday to not seeing him at all was a hard adjustment, looking at him right now just made me even more upset. He still looked amazing. The only difference is he appeared to be a little more dull, he looked like he needed to sleep and his smile wasn't as bright, nor were his crystal eyes. I knew why. I looked just as dull or more.

"Miabear, hey."

Kyle had on a dark green and blue flannel with light wash jeans. He was rocking this look and he honestly left me speechless. He had a large bouquet, filled with many different flowers and a bag of what appeared to be food, as well as a bottle of my favorite wine.

Oh yeah, he came to win.

"Hi Kyle, come on in."

I don't know why I was so nervous, this wasn't a date or anything, yet I was acting like it was our first.

"I love your new place. Even though I'm missing you like crazy."

I smiled shyly. I didn't know how to act right now.

"These are for you. You've missed your past week's worth of flowers, so I had to make up for it. How have you been? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I answered so quickly I hoped he didn't suspect anything.

Lies, I haven't been fine in a long time.

"I hope so. I brought our favorite Chinese food, chocolate covered strawberries and wine."

"That was sweet. You didn't have to do all of that, I didn't even dress up."

"You look gorgeous. Like you always do," and he tried to lean in to peck my cheek, but he stopped himself.

"Thank you. We have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, I know. But let's eat first, please?"

"Okay."

At least this gave me more time. But I was still so scared.

"How has work been?" I asked, taking a bite of chow mein.

"It's been alright. Nothing too spectacular. I've missed you at the meetings with Cleistershire."

"I missed you too."

I let it slip because I did miss him and being here with him just reminded me even more of how much I truly missed him.

"Mia, I can't do this without expressing how sorry I am. I am so regretful for that night. I know you already know that I am, but I need to tell you in person. I need to tell you that I know you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and in my heart, I know you won't hurt me. I hurt us both and for what? I don't know about you, but these dreadfully long weeks have been the worst of my entire life. I should have fought harder, I should have went after you, I should have found you and told you that I love you. That all I need in this life is you. If it were just you and me forever, I would be more than okay. I can't keep doing life without you, Mia. It's so fucked up, but you are my everything and I never should have doubted that."