All That I Really Wanted (English Version)

Look After You

Josie opened her eyes, it was still dark and cool, and she didn't need to look at the clock to know that her body had awakened her again ready for the attack of morning sickness. She crawled out of bed, careful not to wake her sister.

She walks down the lonely hall to the bathroom. She turned on the faucet to mask the sound of her throwing up and leaned over to the side of the toilet. Once her stomach was empty, she brushed her teeth wearily and returned to her room, carefully crawling into bed. Knowing that it wouldn't be long before the dream claimed her.

The Valentine's party was in two days; Josie had decided not to go. She had fooled Lizzie with the excuse that it was too painful after Penelope, and if nothing else had happened that would have been true. She had been the first person to whom she had given her heart and she had walked away from her without any explanation.

Surprised, she realized it was the first time in weeks that she had thought about her breakup. The love for Penelope was not as strong as before. Her pregnancy had taken care of that, it had been everything she had focused on. Her feelings for Penelope had faded into the background and had slowly begun to fade. She had to put the past behind her and focus on the future.

A future that now included Hope.

Hope, the second reason she wasn't going to that party. She knew that Landon would be there with Rafael and the others and although she had never had a problem with Landon, she knew Hope longer. Even without the pregnancy, she was sure that she would side with Hope, she deserved to have someone to support her. And even if she decided to go to the party, she couldn't be there and watch her suffer.

Josie sighed in the dark, trying to imagine how Hope will feel with this date so close. They saw each other every night, Hope would always come to her room with mineral water and crackets for her sickness, they would talk until Lizzie arrived. What was even more surprising was how much she looked forward to those talks. They spoke with an openness they had never had before, as if they had lowered an invisible barrier between them. The first few minutes they always talked about how she felt and even though she felt that she was growing weaker every day, she always assures her that she was fine.

Then they would talk about nothing important, any chore they had commissioned at the time, any thoughts that crossed their mind, and little things. But still she enjoyed it more than she thought possible. Her reassuring tone and carefree demeanour made her think that everything would be fine.

But the only topic they had avoided was Landon and the upcoming Valentine's party. She didn't know if Hope would go and had no idea how to broach the subject.

Lizzie on the other hand. She had barely seen her all week. She had spent most of her free time coordinating the party, going over last minute details. The positive side of that is she didn't need to hide the effects of her pregnancy as much.

Josie bit her lip, her hand tentatively moving under the covers and pausing on the lower part of her stomach. She kept busy so she wouldn't have time to worry, but at times like these, when it was just her and her thoughts, she couldn't stop. She was terrified.

She was too young, unprepared. She was at school, how was she going to support a baby?

But more than that, more than the financial worries of caring for a baby or having such a great responsibility at such a young age. It was the moment when she held the baby for the first time that scared her. What if the baby looks at her and knows that she is not enough? Would it be a disappointment to her baby from the beginning?

A wave of exhaustion hit her and she felt her eyelids begin to close. Her worries began to fade as her body's needs took over and with a yawn, she closed her eyes, her hand still stretched across her stomach.