Desired / Chanlix /

👑37👑

"Hyunjin, did we..." Jisung asked him for the fifth time already. He was scared, he knew that he and Minho had a fight, but he still loved him yoo much. Hyunjin looked at him, taking out a cigarette. He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not the one to take advantage of your unconsciousness." He said and lit the cigarette. It was slowly pressed between his two fingers, slim and long as hell. Jisung slowly traced them and raised his sight to see him.

"Why do you smoke?" He asked suddenly. The question shocked Hyunjin. He looked at him, blowing the smoke away from Jisung. He shrugged and tried to smile. "This is not healthy for you."

"Why do you care about me, Jisung?" He asked, taking a drag on his cigarette and took out all of the smoke. "No one cares about me. I'm no special." He explained. "My family is a shithole, my whole life is a shithole."

"I don't think you have to smoke. This is too unhealthy and you want to be..." Jisung started, but Hyunjin interrupted him harshly.

"You don't know, Jisung. I don't want to be a footballer, all I want to be is special for someone.  All I want is to have someone who cares about me, I want someone to care about how I feel. I have no one." He told him and took another drag on his cigarette.

"Changbin?" Jisung mumbled.

"He has his own life  he can't be with me all the time. I found a friend, but I fell in love with him and he's taken. And now... I just want to be special for someone and I want to have someone that's going to be there for me, someone who will need me." He mumbled. "I don't want anything more than this."

"I can be your friend."

Hyunjin could remember himself looking at Jisung's closed eyes, peacefully sleeping and his little mouth slowly opening for a while. He could remember him falling for the idea of having him as a boyfriend. He could even remember himself thinking what would it be, if in the morning he would be able to call him "baby" again and kiss him. He would remember how he thought about him almost till sunrise and how he didn't even sleep. He felt so good being there for him, he felt so good that Jisung needed him.

"No, you can't." Hyunjin said.

"Why?" Jisung asked.

"You have a boyfriend."

"He's not going to say anything."

Hyunjin put out his cigarette, he took out another one and lit it up. He didn't know how to say that. He didn't know if it was the time to say it. He didn't know what was it at all. Yes, he still liked Felix  but he never felt what he felt last night with Jisung. He never felt helpful to someone, he never felt needed. He looked down.

"Just go home and be with your boyfriend. I will be fine." He managed to say finally and took a deep breath. He didn't look at him anymore. He didn't want to, he just wanted to fucking die. He wanted to go away from everyone. He needed to be alone and while Jisung was there, he felt so bad for not telling him a word. But he wasn't even sure what to tell him, he wasn't even sure what to fucking do. He needed just to be alone and have the time and the opportunity to think about all of this, because he was going mad already.

Jisung didn't move.

"I'm not sure that I can leave you." He finally spoke. "I'm not the person to leave someone that vulnerable alone." He continued.

"Just go." Hyunjin almost begged. "Don't stay here, it's going to get worse. So, please, just go."

Jisung made a step back. He slowly closed his eyes to open them in a minute and see him taking a drag on his cigarette again, looking at him with his eyes up, while his head was bend down a little. None of them said anything. Both of them were just looking at each other for a while and then Hyunjin finally whispered "Please, go!"

"I'm sorry, you don't leave me any choice..." Jisung said, before leaving him alone on the roof. He headed back to his room  without even thinking about what the situation was there.

*****

"Lisa, please..." Lex took her hand. "I know I left without telling you, but my manager..."

Lisa started laughing like she was mad. She heard that once. She heard it twice. She heard it for the nth time for the last year or so, and she was already done. It wasn't only this, but she needed more time to be with Jennie  because apparantly she couldn't stay out of trouble again.

"Yes, your manager. And me? I'm who exactly?" She yelled at him. "Leave me, Lex. I don't love you anymore." She continued. "I don't want you to take care of me. I'm okay by my own, I will be fine!"

Lex looked at her, almost crying.

"Yes, you're leaving me, because there's someone else...." Lex reminded her again. Lisa bit her lip, trying not to freak out. Yes, and what if there was someone else? She gulped. "He's not going to be any better, just remember this."

"She will even be something more than better from you." Lisa spoke. Lex froze, realizing that when Lisa was with Jennie, he never knew that between them might be something. He tried to say something, but no sound came out of his mouth. "It's over, Lex. Tell your fans, tell everyone, we are not together anymore." She said finally and took a deep breath.

"Over?"

"Over."

He grabbed his jacket and went out of her house, leaving her all alone with the thought of Jennie. She didn't even think about the break up she just had, one thing was important and that was her best friend and if she was fine.