A Bit of Tomorrow

Thirty-Eighth

Ellis

"Cassy.." I trailed off, it took her a while to process hearing her name being called before turning away from me.

I went up here straight after Leah told me about her condition. We were both left alone inside the room, just Cassy and I. Being in here with her killed me inside—seeing her like this killed me.

Cassy looked down to her hands, playing with the blanket.

I slowly near her and reach out the flowers to her, trying to grab her attention. She looked back up to me and stared at me for a while before getting the flowers from me. It crushed me to see her like this—processing me in front of her.

Everything she had to do, it took her minutes to process it first. I couldn't bear it. My heart and conscience couldn't. I wanted to turn around right then but I know I couldn't. I had to bear seeing her like this.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat, "Hey." I smiled weakly as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

She looked at me and blinked again, it looked like she really was having a hard time understanding me. I sat there unable to make any move, how could I?

She continued staring at me, her facial expressions gradually dropping. As if she came to recognize who I was. Her eyes started to well up and next thing I knew, she was already crying. She was making out loud muffled noises and was gripping the blanket apart. She was having an episode, she kept trying to tear the cloth while bawling in front of me.

I was too afraid to reach and grab her hand because when I did, she flinched further away. She kept squirming in her spot as she broke down and tried to yell but her voice came out hoarse and muffled.

"Cassy.." I softly said,

Sarah and Leah both rushed inside the room and tried to calm her down. Leah took Cassy into a hug, burying her face into her chest.

"Leave." I heard Sarah mutter, Leah looked at me with apologetic eyes as I nod at her.

I turned my back around them and walked out the door. My heart breaking into a million pieces as I still heard Cassy sob endlessly inside. I pressed my back against the wall in the hallway and squeezed my eyes shut.

"I'm so sorry, Cassy.." I said softly, choking on my tears.

I closed my eyes only to see flashbacks when I was with her.

The way her eyes wrinkle when she smiles. Her eyes, her long wavy hair. The way she smiled when she looked at me. The way her eyes sparkle when she was talking about something that she really cared about.

Frustration and guilt began to fill me up. I curled my hand into a fist and punched the wall hard enough that I felt my skin break. I heaved in heavy breaths, trying to soften my breathing.

"Oh my gosh, sir. Your hand is bleeding." A nurse happened to pass by and noticed my fist.

I turn my hand around to see blood dripping from the cut.

"I'll just get a kit." She rushed but I stopped her,

"No. I'll be fine." I said firmly and walked out from the hallway.

The nurse tried to call me but I ignored her and went out from the building. My mind was too clouded and the scene earlier with Cassy just kept on repeating in my head. And every time, it stabbed my heart.

I stumbled out into the streets and walked. I didn't want to ride a bus or hail a taxi, I couldn't. so, instead, I walked the endless road. The endless dark road. Thinking, breaking, think, breaking—cycle.