A Bit of Tomorrow

Thirty-Ninth

Ellis

I kept visiting Cassy in the hospital during the succeeding days. Whenever I did, I would usually catch her sleeping or having therapies. I never got to talk to her, Sarah never allowed me. And when I could have the slight chance, Cassy can't bring herself to look at me or even utter something which results to her crying.

As much as it was bugging me, that I wanted to talk to her, I know even the heavens won't let me. Sarah was so vocal about not letting me see Cassy for the first few days but she gave up when Leah would insist. I really did not want to cause any type of inconvenience upon them but I wanted to help, I wanted to see Cassy get better.

Every single day, I brought her flowers. The ones that I would give her, the same kind. It would stay by her bed, untouched. Whenever I would see them, it made my heart feel ripped. It made me want to break down because of the guilt inside me.

There were occasional moments when I would meet her eyes but it only gave her discomfort, I noticed it. The warmth in her eyes that I would see then, they were gone. They were replaced with a tantamount of unspoken words.

I can't help but think about her father though. I would run into him inside the hospital from time to time. Sometimes, we would even talk over eating at the cafeteria. I've asked him as to why he was still coming here if he didn't have any plans of showing himself to Cassy. He said, he wanted to feel like he was being around Cassy in her difficult time, so hence, he's here.

There were times where I would sit down with him and talk. I listen to his stories and how he regrets it so much that he isn't someone's dad. Moments like now.

"I know I've said this enough but I can't believe I didn't realize things sooner. I took away a part of Cassidy that she deserved." He sighed, looking out into the window.

He would usually repeat things but I just thought maybe it could've been because of his situation. I would sometimes end up staring into space and my thoughts wander around for a little while before focusing back on him.

"Uhm," he cleared his throat.

I look at him and nod so he could continue.

"If you don't mind me asking, of course." He started, his brown eyes fixating on me.

Cassy has his eyes.

"Sure." I nod again,

"Why Cassy?" he asked,

I had to internalize and process his question so I would be able to give him a definite answer, careful enough to put my thoughts and heart into answering.

"She..when I first saw her, she was just innocent, pure, so fragile. Back then, I thought I could protect her. I thought I would be able to put sparkle in her eyes and at the same time shield them from how cruel the world is for her.." I paused and looked at Carl to chuckle lightly.

I thought, with the same pain against this cruel world, I thought I could protect her just like how I tried to deal with my life's mess.

"This is awkward, I'm talking about her in front of her father." I shook my head lightly.

"No," he shook his head, "Go on." And nodded.

"When—when I was with her, I completely forgot about her being a public figure. I almost didn't care because whenever I saw her, I just wanted to hold her next to me." I smiled slightly,

"It used to be like that for a while. But things started to escalate upon my knowing. I never had any intention to milk anything on her. All I wanted was to keep her be, protect her. I really, really loved her..so much that making her happy was the only thing that stayed in my mind. I forgot that we weren't the only ones in this world, that loving someone wasn't the only thing that I was supposed to be doing. And with that, I lost her." I sighed and looked down.