Determination

XV: Exposition

November 1993

Remus was feeling like utter shit, once again, as the full moon approached. He knew he was going to have to find someone to take over his classes this time, he wouldn't recover fast enough, he could feel it.

It was as he was thinking about what he was going to do that he saw Mason.

"Professor Lupin! Hello! I was just heading to the kitchens, care to accompany me?" She asked sticking out her arm for him to take.

He could feel the corners of his mouth tick up on the sides. she couldn't remember the man she used to call her family, but she still wanted his company.

He gently laced his arm through hers, and watched her closely. He could feel her spine straighten slightly as her eyes flashed a familiar green. All the pain in Remus's body ebbed away slowly, as if being drained from him. he felt immensely better but knew this moon cycle would still be a rough one though temporarily put off because of the woman.

He wasn't sure if she noticed she'd even done it, or if it was a reflex her muscles and magic had memorized after doing it for so long.

Nonetheless he was grateful.

"How are you managing this week?" She asked him

Remus turned and looked at her confused.

She noticed his confusion and carried on with a smile.

"Well the full moon is this week, isn't it? You must not be feeling very well at the moment, oh! We should get some hot chocolate when we reach the kitchens, that always makes me feel better."

Remus stopped as he stared at her in bewilderment.

"I-how- did Severus tell you?"

She continued to smile at him
"No, I remember figuring it out, and I remember you telling me."

He could feel tears wanting to overwhelm his eyes
"You remember me?"

Her smile turned apologetic
"No, sorry."

"But if Severus didn't tell you how did you...?"

"It's- it's hard to explain... I remember... secrets I guess.... about other people. It's like... all my common knowledge about others, the things everyone knows, those are blurred? Like seeing and hearing everything muffled or through a haze... but the secrets those are clear. Like the memory charm couldn't find those when it hit me..?"

She laughed silently to herself.
"That doesn't make sense does it?"

He smiled fondly and sadly at her
"Actually it makes perfect sense for you, you always did guard secrets with your heart rather than your head. I don't think even a memory charm could make you reveal them, if you didn't want."

She let the wonderful beaming smile appear on her face again as the two let silence engulf them.

She broke it a second later

"So we used to be friends?" She asked

He turned to her and could only hope she believed him.
"You are my family. Always."

She narrowed her eyes ahead of herself as if searching for something.

"Did I meet your parents?" She asked

Remus chuckled at this
"Yes. Godric my mother loved you. dad did as well, being around you calms me, especially around this time of the month. They were grateful to you for being there for me when they couldn't, but it was more than that too. It was how kind you always were, my family and I have never really had a lot of money and you understood that better than others have in the past."

"I didn't grow up with any money either, I had to work really hard to get anything I needed. when Albus came for me, suddenly I had more than I knew what to do with from people who never really cared about me. Money doesn't really matter in the scheme of things." She told him.

"Is that why you're here teaching instead of running your companies?" He asked.

"Kind of.....Severus was the first person I recognized when I woke up after the war. He took care of me.... I remember him the most. And now that I think about it, that might just be because he had the most secrets he confided in me..... it was hard. I had all this knowledge I'd picked up over the years from going to school, but no idea what I'd planned to do with it. I woke up and the people I grew up with were gone, and people I didn't know but should have were still dying.... I- I decided eventually to continue fighting, Severus showed me acceptance letters he'd found for an American military team I'd applied for, and so I went. Six years the first time, about four the second time."

Remus felt guilty, he should have gone to visit her as soon as they knew she'd lost her memory. James and Sirius had wanted to, but they were still in the middle of a war, and then James and Lily died. The war was over. Sirius had betrayed them all and killed Peter, and Remus was the last of the Marauders standing.

He hated himself more if possible for that.

Remus hated to admit it but he'd been swimming in too much grief to visit a girl who couldn't remember his name.

"I didn't really decide on teaching, but my unit doesn't really need my expertise anymore. Our commander told me he'd send word if he ever needed me, but.... it was like I was just surviving by doing what I was made to be. When Albus offered me the job here... well it was like I got a real choice in the matter. Do something because of what I am, or do something because of who I am"

Remus remembered all their long talks during school and over holidays of choices. The choices that are expected of you, and the choices you make for yourself. The blue haired girl had always been big on choices, he was glad to see that hadn't changed.

"So the muggle studies professor?" He asked her

She ducked her head as she laughed lightly, blue hair falling as if to block her face.

"Yeah.... well I don't know! I just I love the muggle world, almost as much as the magical one. The differences are astronomical. AND MUGGLES! Oh they don't have magic like us, but their technology!! It's like they make their own magic!!"

Remus admired the way her whole being shone brightly when discussing a topic she loved.

She was the truest form of beauty he knew.

"I remember you were always the best in all your classes...." Remus started

She eyed him oddly as he began speaking again.

"And you're awfully good with the students..." he smirked at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"And you know...about me, what I am..."

Her eyes cleared as she finally understood where this was going.

"Cover your classes?" She asked him

Remus felt relief run through him
"Please?"

" I have classes as well this week, so I can't cover this one, but I can certainly cover any others you need in the future." She smiled lightly at him.

Remus was disappointed. What was he going to do now?

"You could always ask Severus, he's free from classes on Friday. Plus, he's always wanted to teach Defense here. He'll be grumpy about it for sure, but he'll do it if asked nevertheless."

Remus didn't really want to suck up his pride and ask Snape, but it was now his only option.

"Alright I'll ask him."