Don't You Dare Tell Anyone Mr. Stevens

Back To December

The first snow of the season. The snowflakes rest in my curly hair but I don't mind. I walk to school that morning alone. With my hands firmly shoved into my pockets I breathe in the cold air that surrounds me. The sky was an odd shade of white mixed with grey. Completely colorless. But still beautiful. The cold feels good and sweet when it hits he bruise on my cheek. I try not to cry when I recap the memory of this morning. A door straight to the face. I swallow hard despite the burning sensation rising in my throat. The first sign of tears. I breathe in deeply fighting back the urge to burst into tears. Despite how much I want to I just keep going. I remind myself to breathe. I remind myself this because if I stop breathing my heart will stop and then i'll die. I don't won't to die. Scratch that I do want to die but fight to survive because I can't leave Ben behind. The snow comes down so more. It hits my skin and feels like icy cold thin needle points into my skin. And I love it. It helps me think. The cold pierces into my skin like knives and I enjoy the freezing pain. The sky clears, the snow stops, and the clouds part so that in the distance I may see the sunrise. The colors are bright dark and rich. The suns rays hit my eyes and instead of squinting I just walk and stare. The sun thaws my frozen skin and the sight brings tears to my eyes but as soon as they escape they freeze half way down my cheek because of the cold. December was my favorite month. It was the one that was the most beautiful. I had said once before that I think when the sunrises in the morning its just a tease because it falls dark anyone. Its still true. But its the blissful moments in life like these that you let yourself believe maybe things aren't as bad as they appear. And that there's actually a way to get through it all. I know I'll find a way. I guess I'll just have to have something I never did before. Faith.