Don't You Dare Tell Anyone Mr. Stevens

Epilogue

Traveling the world for the past three months with my grandparents was amazing. I had never been more loved before. I had never been more happy. Sometimes at night I'll have dreams of Ben and he's laughing in the meadows and i'll play with him. The dreams are sweet. And then I wake up and I'll remember that the dream with him is over. The day of Ben's funeral was that of beautiful one. The most beautiful I had ever seen. But right after they put him in the ground it begun to rain. An awful pouring rain. Riley had been there. Far away leaning against a tree. I hadn't noticed at first. Patty and Ethan held my hands the entire time. It wasn't until Cara, Jason, Aailine, and Darla embraced me at the end had I noticed he was there. They had spoken to me and I to them but now I can't quite remember. They gave me flowers and cards and then went off. I wanted Riley to come over. I had wanted to speak to him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and cry until I shriveled up to nothing but he hadn't said a word to me. Just waved. And I had waved back. Then someone stood in front of me and by the time they left he had disappeared.
Then again on my 17 birthday. I was born on Valentine's day and so we spent it in Paris. The city of love. Patty and Ethan flew in and my grandparents had welcomed them with open arms. Dad came. I want to laugh at the thought. Dad. I actually have a dad now. There's a man out there that is my father. The adoption papers didn't take long to get through at all. My grandparents are my legal guardians. They have soul custody of me. We just had a little thing worked out. I get to live with my father. At home in Forest Hills. It took me a month to call Mr.Stevens dad and it was truly and honestly by accident. The first month of my travels he had spent it with us. And one day out the blue I was so angry because I had lost my lip gloss and I had said "Dammit where is it!? Dad have you-?" and I had frozen right in my place and he looked at me. He nodded I guess out of respect. Like he respected the fact that I had called him that. "Alright then" he had said and I slammed my hand over my mouth and said "I am so sorry!" but he laughed. He said it was alright. That was the day he decided to adopt me. He had said "If you're going to be my kid you can't be calling Mr.Stevens anymore its odd" it had taken me a while to catch on but when I did I laughed and shrieked and everything a happy person does.
Riley didn't fly in. Which I understood and respected. He did call and it was brief. Oddly cold and oddly sweet. Maybe it was because I said I had needed space and I never exactly told me when I didn't need space anymore. But you see I texted called emailed everything. Still the same thing. Brief to the point sincere and that was it. No jokes or sarcasm or happiness. It was odd. Especially since I was so happy every single day of my life for the past three months.
But you see that was the thing. I was actually happy. My grandparents were warm and bubbly and beautiful and I had loved them more than anything in the world. I now have en extended list of all the people I had ever loved before in my entire life. It goes like this:
Ben
Patty
Ethan
Dad
Grandparents
Now instead of three I have 6. And soon I would hope to add one more to the equation if he'd let me. To make a nice even 7.
Traveling the world was wonderful. My grandparents were so young looking and vibrant. My grandmother was a hard core business woman. Grandfather was a bit more of the softy. I had gone to so many places I couldn't keep track. Italy, France, England, Brazil, Spain, India. And yes it was beautiful. We took pictures and saw sights and laughed and loved and ate! My favorite part of the tours were the people. Especially the boys. There were many cute exotic boys. Black hair blue eyes, hazel eyes dark skin blonde hair, red hair grey eyes light skin. But in the back of my mind there was always that cute boy the cutest of them all that I had back home waiting for me.
Ben would have been happy for me. That was the kind of person he was. See I had laid awake at night wondering and thinking why? But then one day in Greece (had I mentioned I been there too?) I was watching the sunset and I had realized something. He did what he did for me. SO that one day I could have this even if it meant without him. And you see that's what I felt was worth it. I went back to the days when he was a baby then kindergarten. I had realized that Ben wasn't put in this world to live. He was put in this world to live for me and so that I could live for him. That before Ben was born and he was still an angel in heaven I like to think that God had said to him "You are to go to Tess and give her strength. love her and have her love you. You are the one that shall give her the will to go on and live. You will be the one to save her. And when you have done just that you time on Earth will be done and you shall be gone" and its true. He is gone. If it weren't for Ben I would have died years ago or left and gone on to something worse. But what kept me all those years was not because I had no place to go because I did but it was because if I had left with Ben no matter what they would bring him back and he'd be in that house again. And if he was going to be in that house again I wanted it to be with me in it. Not him all alone. So I guess you can say I've handled his death. I've learned to cope with it. I have realized that Ben was in a way my Guardian Angel. Just here while I needed him and gone when i did it. But he's still with me. He'll always be with me. That will never change. Ben is at my side always. And he will be for the rest of my life. One day when I grow old my children will know of Ben and what he did for their mother and what they had done for them. Because I will say to them "Your uncle saved me. He gave his life so that I may have mine. And therefore he made your life possible. So even before you born your uncle thought of you and he loved and did everything for you he gave you everything. He saved you just as he had saved me. Don't ever forget that.' If it weren't for Ben I wouldn't be where I am now. And for that I am utterly grateful. I'm glad he was in my life and I hope where he is now among the angels he was glad he was apart of mine too and I apart of his.
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Now everyone's laughing and I am too.
"Ok ready?" Patty asks and I laugh.
"Yes go ahead! Light it already!" I say and look at Mr.Stevens. Dad. "I'm home" I say. He smiles and takes my hand.
"Your home" he repeats and I look up. I didn't want to go back to out estate. So I now I reside in the Stevens residence. I try not to giggle. The Stevens residence. There was a beautiful large green lawn in front of his house and one of those cute mail boxes. We stood on the street and there was not one car parked. It reminded me of the pretty houses in New Jersey that are huge and beautiful with a big lawn and a bit tucked in.
"Now, its no mansion But!" dad says and I laugh. Dad. I can get used to it. Right now its a mix though. He is my teacher after all. And the best too.
"No, its more than I can ask for" I say. He wraps his arm across my shoulder and squeezes. Late March and its warm. Just enough for a jacket. I had on my thick white knitted sweater and Ethan laughed.
"Well I guess no more sleepovers in my house right?" he says and I smirk.
"Oh no," I say and play fight with him punching his shoulders.
"I'll be there every other weekend to wake you up at 6 in the morning on a Saturday" I say and he moans.
"But now you have your own house!" he argues and Patty laughs reaching over to kiss his cheek.
"I've always had my own house. I say and look behind me to the beautiful building that stands. "I've just never had my own Home before. There's a difference"
"Ok! Can we light the candle on this welcome home cake already? Its making my arm hurt!" Patty nags and I laugh.
"Alright, alright! Give it to me" I say and she slips it into my hands. The night sky was filled with stars and the most beautiful dark blue in the entire world and a full moon.I like to think just for me.
"Ready?" Patty asks and I nod.
"Alright just making sure because once I light this puppy you might piss your pants" Patty says and Mr.Stevens bursts into laughter. Patty eyeballs him.
"Just light the candle" he says and Patty shrugs. She lights the big thick cardboard tube on the top of my cake. Its green and red. Then the fireworks come and they are shooting out of the cake.
"Whoa!" Ethan says and looks at Patty. "That's hot"
Patty blushes then smiles "Oh you know me I always like to look nice for people" she says then laughs. I roll my eyes. Patty is still the same.
"he meant the candle!" I blurt.
"Oh!" she says.
"Moron" I mutter and her jaw drops. Dad laughs takes the cake and puts it on the floor.
"Welcome home kid" he says and I go willingly into his embrace.
"Thanks," I say and look at him. I smirk "Dad!" I say and his face scrunches up.
"You're making me feel old" he says and Patty laughs. I turn to face her with hands on my hips.
"Oh God I love you!" she says still laughing. She opens her arms "Welcome home" Ethan opens his arms too and we embrace. And its the sweetest thing in the world. I open my eyes and I can see the houses across the street. Their beautiful. And life is beautiful and I'm happy. I'm happy its finally happened. I'm glad its all over. Dad clears his throat loudly and comes over to touch my shoulder. I turn to face him still in Ethan and Patty's embrace.
"What" I ask and he points down the street at the corner.
"I thought it might be a surprise" he whispers. I frown.
"What-" I say and look over when my mouth clamps shut. I look at Dad and he raises his eyebrows. "I told him you'd be home today" he says and I bite my lip when Ethan and Patty let go and step back.
He flicks his head. "Go to him" he says and I turn around.
"Ethan!" Patty snaps.
"What!" he says.
"Stop staring! Its rude!" she says.
"Oh!" he says and I hear them turn and start up a new conversation when I start all the way down the street. I had been so far before that he had seemed like a shadow. But I could see those emerald for eyes in China if I concentrated. They're that deep.
I shove my hands in my front jean pockets.
"Hey" I say. He stands slanted with one hand in his pocket and the other with a huge bundle of roses.
"Hi" Riley says and I swallow hard. SO many weeks of indifference and silence my hands are practically screaming touch him touch him touch him. He holds ups the flowers.
"I wasn't sure which ones you liked' he says and smiles "But I figured all girls like roses"
I stop in my place and swallow hard. "You came" I say and he nods. "I came"
I can't help. He looks hot. God he looks gorgeous!
In the night the moon light just glistens off his black leather jacket. I can't help but notice. Its unzipped and you can see his white shirt. I missed him. As if I couldn't say it loud enough in my head. I slowly begin to walk again.
"I just wanted to say welcome home" he says and I nod.
"Mhm" I say and walk a little faster.
'And that its great you're back" he says.
"Mhm" I say and run. I run and cling myself to him making my feet rise from the ground and I kiss him. I kiss him hard and I don't care who's watching or who's there. I don't care. He steps back shocked at first but wraps his arms around em and its sweet. Everything's sweet like diabetes sweet. There must be something wrong with me. He runs his fingers through my hair and everything tickles. And its just just my knitted sweater. I knot my fist into his jacket and kiss him for all the times I wanted to while I was away and let the world just dissolve. Then it slows down and its not hungry or anxious anymore but the way it was before. Soft sweet simple. But still made bombs go off and the back of your mind and make your veins run just a little bit faster. I slowly pull away and smile with shut eyes and breathe it all in. He laughs a little and I feel his heart beat against my chest.
"You know you're father's right there. He can fail me this semester" eh says and I laugh but shake my head.
"I don't care" I say and bring his mouth done on mine again. I hear screams and hollers in the background.
"Uh you know Riley its about time!" Ethan shouts.
"Slip her the tongue!" Patty shouts and my fingers knot in his hair.
"Oh God!" I hear dad say and at this I have to laugh and pull away and my feet finally touch the ground again. Riley and I stand in each other's arms and laugh.
"Alright I'm going inside. I'm going to freeze my ass off" Patty says.
"You know you're so pleasant" dad says with a smirk.
"Thanks!" Patty says and takes Ethan's hand in hers.
"Maybe you should tell Ethan that" she says and their voices disappear in the distance as they step inside. I breathe in.
"So" I say and Riley's hand find its way to mine and our fingers fold together.
"So" he says as we advance towards the house.
I smile "I missed you!" I tease and he laughs.
"Good" he says and looks at me "Because I've missed you too"
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"Hey there she goes!" Celina says when I shut the house door behind me.
"Hey, I didn't know you'd be here" i say and hug her. She laughs and from the corner of my eye I see dad smiling.
"Of course I'd come!" she says.
"Ok! You do what I told you and Tess" dad says and gestures for me to come over.
"I have to show you something" he says.
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The door to my bedroom is beautiful and white with pretty flowers painted along the surface. "I wanted you to see your bedroom" he says and pushes the door open.
I gasp when the light hits my eyes. All of the colors were a vintage soft pink purple and red the way I love them. The bed was huge with a sparkling veil over it. The cushions and blanket was made of silk and the skirt was beaded. Beautiful wainscoting went all the way around the room. My dressers were an antique white with flowers carved down the side and bronze nobs. I look back at me and he shoos me further into the room. There's a small little fireplace on the far wall and a huge rug. There's a modest crystal chandelier hanging in the center of my bedroom and my snow globe is under the lamp on my night stand. On my bed sits Ben's teddy bear. I had bought for him when he turned four. The sight brings tears to my eyes. But happy tears. I look back at him and he's smiling.
"I figured you might want it" he says. I nod and wipe the tears from my face. I look down and laugh.
"The floors are dark wood" I say and he laughs too.
"I know how much you hate dark wood" he says and I make a face.
"Uh hey Tess!" Patty calls up the stairs and I look towards the doors.
"You better come do something about Ethan hitting on Riley!" she shouts and we smile. "And then I'll have to do something about" she adds as if almost to her self. This time we burst into laughter. On my nightstand is the last picture Ben and I ever took together. It was us at Christmas when he opened up his gift. I swallow hard and aim for under the door frame where dad stands. "Come on kid" he says and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I make sure to look back before he shuts the door.
We walk back into the living room and there decorations everywhere.
"If only you guys would put this much effort into you school work" Mr.Stevens and raises and eyebrow to Patty. Her jaw drop.
"In all fairness at least I do my work!" she says and I laugh wrapping an arm around her.
"Can we cut the cake yet?" Ethan asks. Patty smacks him in the back of the head.
"That's so rude!" Patty says and Riley laughs.
"I'll get plates. Come and be a good person and help me. Dad! " I say and he rolls his eyes following me into the kitchen. I pull plates out of the cabinets and smirk at him He raises an eyebrow.
"What?" he asks.
"So you and Celine huh?" I ask and his cheeks burn red. I can't help it. My laughter comes pouring out of me and he makes a face.
"Don't tease me kid. I can ground you" he says and this time I make a face.
"Ya, right" I say and walk past him.
"Or you're grandparents can. They're coming over next weekend" he says.
"Well then I'll be sure to mention your new girlfriend" I say.
"What new girlfriend?" Celine asks. I smile and walk out. I put the plates down. Ethan is the first to grab one and Patty laughs when he trips on the way to the coffee table.
A hand wraps around my waist and I look up.
"Happy to be home?" Riley asks. I smile and rest my head on his shoulder. Celine and Dad come out of the kitchen smiling and making small talk.
"Yes," I say and my face softens. "I am home aren't I? Finally"
And to think just months ago this all hadn't seemed possible. Now the thought of my life before this makes me want to laugh. If I could only go back to the moment when I had said "Don't you dare tell anyone Mr.Stevens" and show myself today maybe I would have said something sooner. Maybe Ben might be by my side. but that's alright. Riley leans down to kiss me and pulls me over. I laugh. i guess now I can say everything is finally at peace. I finally have love I finally have peace. I'm finally happy. That's all I ever wanted. And now I have more.

The End