The Last Gifted//c.m.b

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Hey guys, so i am really sorry that i haven't updated in atleast a week. At first i just didn't feel up to writing but then thing happened and its not my only reason.

I feel like i am in a state od panic constantly now, its like i cant shake it, its almost like i am trapped in a box of anxiety with no escape, and my hands are shaking right now making it difficult to type.

I dont really know if i am mentally okay right now, but i dont even understand why.

And if anyone has any issues to talk about, talk to me because i know how it feels.

I know how it feels to walk down the school hallway about to break but not showing it.

I know what its like to hide in a bathroom stall and cry, then walk out like nothing happened.

I know what its like to feel so insecure about yourself that you want to change it so badly you forget whats happening around you.

My whole life, atleast for seven years of it i had a best friend who constantly criticized my every move.

The way i dressed.

What i said.

How i look.

Etc.

I never asked for her opinion, she just gave it.

She constantly made me feel like i was an idiot, and i thought that this was friendship because it was all i knew.

My sister says things sometimes and because of that friend, i feel like she's saying im stupid and she has to tell me all the time thag im not but its like i cant believe her.

That friend also physically hurt me all the time, she said she knows i am sensitive and trys to be gental but she doesn't try at all.

She made me feel weak when i cried so i dont cry over pain anymore.

My sister gets upset with me about it because i am wheezing in pain on the floor and she keeps telling me to just cry but i cant.

I get so embarrassed about my appearance now that i dont even want to be seen if i feel like i dont look good.

And its taken a huge toll on me, were not friends anymore, i ended it in seventh grade.

Then my other friends started turning on me and i felt like i had nothing left.

I haven't been nervous about that though, im telling you that you can talk to me.

Today when i was in class my mind was off, i couldn't think straight and my thoughts kept going to something bad that could happen.

I bounced my leg all the time and my teachers noticed, my hands shook and i felt like i was going to colaps at any given second.

I will update this book in a few days hopefully, just hang on.

I hope my explanation was enough and your not mad at me.