Second Chance (Anthony Rizzo)

(20) Tell Her

Anthony

It's never a good thing when your girlfriends dad calls you over, usually he uses emojis and is cracking a joke but this time it was just "when you have the time I need you over here". And even though I know he loves me, I know he loves her more. As he should. I'm praying that I didn't slip up and ruin everything both him and I were hoping for. So I wait for Jessie to go to the doctors for a checkup to go on over. Everyone else was out so it was just me and Kyle in the whole house. He takes me out back and we sit off the edge of the porch where Jess likes to spend a lot of her time watching the clouds roll by.

He doesn't say anything at first which made me more nervous. He didn't look mad or sad so I wasn't sure what was going on.

"Is Jessie okay" I finally ask breaking the silence.

"She's doing good. Her doctors are happy with where she is and she has a MRI today to get some more insight on what's going on it that brain of hers and to make sure her brain isn't bleeding and causing more issues. But so far so good" he insists.

"Then am I in trouble" I question and he laughs at me.

"No son. You're not in trouble. I called you here to try and see how long you plan on playing this game you're playing? This isn't my relationship and I can't tell you guys what to do. I trust in you and your decisions to do what's best for my daughter. You did the best thing for her in not trying to make her who she used to be and letting her grow even if it was without you for a little while. But Jessie's a smart girl. She's going to find out sooner or later that everything isn't what it seems and I would rather it be sooner" he claims.

I clinch my teeth as I swallow hard. I feel like the spit gets stuck in my throat preventing it from running, kinda like I wanted to right now. "I don't even know how I would go about that. She seems so happy right now, I don't want to be the reason she's not" I defend. 

"You can't hide this forever. The longer you go on the more upset she will be when she figures it out. She knows something is up, I mean you won't let her over to your place, she hasn't seen a single picture of you from the time before you guys met. It doesn't take much to start connecting the dots. Don't you want her to learn this from you instead of her figuring it out and feeling betrayed and lied to" he asks.

"No matter how she finds out she will feel like that. I mean we had a whole relationship, we were planning our wedding and getting ready to settle down together for the rest of your lives. There's no way to tell her that without hurting her. I just don't think it's the best time" I try.

"There's never going to be a good time to tell her, you know that" he accuses.

I let out a long sigh as I shake my head. "I need more time" I beg.

"Time for what, Anthony? It's been three months, that's plenty of time. Your relationship can only go so far like this before it stops being real. Are you okay with living a lie, lying to her every god damned day? Her life is hard enough as is, now this is another thing to add to the difficulties of the past six months. Then on top of that we have to lie to her more than we already were to keep you two happy. We have to act like we don't know things we obviously know to protect her. It would be so much easier if you just tell her" he begs.

"I can't tell her. Every time I look in her eyes I see how hard she's trying. She has done so much to be able to be in this place we are right now. She is finally ready to move on then telling her that everything we are is what we used to be, that puts her right back where she started" I explain.

"You can't keep this up, it's not sustainable. I'm not saying just flat out tell her everything, I'm saying that the longer this goes on the harder it's going to be to bring it up. It needs to come from you because this is your relationship. Not me or mom or Jamie or Jenny can do this. This is between the two of you but I know you're both going to get really hurt if you're not careful" he tries.

"I know. The last thing I want to happen is for her to get hurt. But I just need to figure out the best way to tell her without it seeming like everything we have is fake.

Because I know her and I are just as good as before, maybe even better. I got to fall in love all over again and I am so thankful that I did. She gets to explore the world with me and learn so much. This relationship we have right now is real, as real as anything else in my life. And until something happens I want her to feel I like all of this is real. Because to me it is" I defend.

"Are you prepared to have everything fall apart if you just let this go" he asks.

I shake my head as I stare at my hands in my lap. "No, not at all. But I'm also not prepared for her to change once again. For her to feel like she doesn't know who she is because she thought she had it figured out only to learn it wasn't what she thought it was at all.

She is different than when she was with me but at the same time she's exactly the same. She is looking to find herself but that's who she has been this whole time. Just... let me figure this out. Let me think it through and break it to her slow" I say.

"You are going to tell her.. right" he questions.

I pause for a moment because I wasn't sure I could promise this. I'm sure I will tell her but I wasn't making any plans on it. Things are going so well, she's getting back into helping out with the foundation and she's making friends and new memories. She's already has so much of her life taken form her I don't want to take this too.

"Yes sir" I reply as my voice cracks. I'm not sure he believed me because I didn't really believe me. But for now that's all we have to work with.

"Good. Because I love you Anthony, you know this. Seeing my daughter come home with the biggest smile on her face warms her heart. But she's worried because she knows you're keeping stuff from her. She can't tell you that she loves you because she's not sure this love means what she wants it to be. But she does want you, in every way possible. You just have to let her in" he claims.

"I'll try" I promise.