Second Chance (Anthony Rizzo)

(25) Tell Me How

Anthony

It's been four months since Jessie and I got together again and honestly it felt like a lifetime. And it hasn't been easy. Hell, it's rarely easy I've learned. I've been with her since 2012 in my mind and it's been four months for her. With so much despair it's hard to believe that we were able to create something we both believe to last. But I believe with my whole heart that this is going to last. And in a way these four months we've spent together falling in love all over again has been my favorite moments, for not everyone gets to fall in love with their soulmate twice. Not everyone gets a second chance at true love.

And here I am, the luckiest man on the world. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and she likes sour patch watermelon and chicken in her salads.

"Aren't you busy right now" Jess asks as I sit on the phone with her. I got to the visitors clubhouse in Milwaukee early so technically I was at work. But I was the first one here because I took the coaches bus over so I can chill out on my own for a while.

"Not really. I'm by myself" I shrug.

"Totally by yourself" she wonders.

"Just me and my imaginary friend" I joke as she giggles. The sweetest sound out there.

"Good" she claims.

"Why is that good" I wonder.

"I have something I want to tell you" she claims.

I raise my eyebrow as I lean back in my stall. "And what's that" I wonder.

"I just wanted to tell you... well. I've been thinking a lot about the way I feel about you and I've been trying to find the words. And a lot of words can describe how I feel for you right now. But one does it best-" she starts.

"Jess" I interrupt. "If this is what I think this is I want you to stop. Because I want to be with you for this discussion, not in different states. I know this conversation has been a long time coming but this isn't the way do to it. I want to look into your eyes and hold your body close. Okay" I beg.

The line stays silent for a moment before I hear her let out a sigh. "Alright. I won't say it. But as long as you know" she tries.

"I know. We both know" I promise her.

"Good. So you're not just leading me on" she questions.

"Of course not. I want to do right by you. I will always do what I can to do right by you" I assure her.

We talk for a little while longer before I had to get ready for the game. We hang up and I let out the longest sigh of my life.

"You good man" Jon Lester asks as he sits next to me. He doesn't start today so I know I can at least talk to him.

"No" I admit.

"What's up" he wonders.

"Jess called me today to tell her she loves me" I start.

"That's awesome Tony, I don't see why you're so sad" he claims.

"I didn't let her tell me" I explain.

His eyes get real big as he smacks me with the back of his hand. "What the hell is wrong with you" he asks.

"I freaked out okay! The longer this goes on the worse I feel about how it's all unfolding. She believes that I just magically appeared in her life and we made this connection out of nothing. But that's a lie. She believes that I am truthful and honest and everything I do is from the bottom of my heart and not what I know in my mind is what she wants. But that's a lie. She believes that I haven't already thought of us getting married, having kids, having this life together that is better than anything we've ever know.

And that's a lie too.

I told her I wanted to be there with her when she told me because I want her to look in my eyes and see that though a lot of this has been a lie, my feelings for her and her feelings for me aren't a lie. She fell in love with me two different times, I know her and I are meant to be together. But not like this" I sigh.

"You did this to yourself Buddy. Kyle begged you to tell her and you didn't. Now you're four months in and you don't know how to get out. Does that not scare you" he asks.

"Of course it scares me. Because if I lose her again I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't let her go again, I don't have the strength. But the longer I take to tell her the longer I feel like she won't want to be with me" I say.

"Then tell her" Jon says.

"How? Please tell me how to tell her that I have been loving her over for four years now but it's been four months for her. Tell me how I'm supposed to look her in her eyes and tell her that if things were different we would be getting married in two months and talking about kids. Tell me how" I beg.

"I'm sorry Tony, I don't know how" he whispers.

"I don't either" I sigh.

"But I think you guys will make it through this, whatever this ends up becoming. I don't know what you guys have been through before this year but I know that what you were able to create, after everything that had happened, it's so special. And I hope that will be enough to get you guys through this" he insists.

"I sure hope so too" I sigh.

He leaves me be and I decide that I should probably send Jess a text so she doesn't start to overthink.

Hey babe. Just wanted to send this before the game because we won't be able to talk until after. I wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you, there's never a moment I'm not thinking of you whether it be when I'm playing or when I'm dreaming. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and I plan on spending the rest of my life showing you that. Proving to you that I have many purposes on this earth and one of them is being with you. Keep your head up and I'll be home soon. I'll talk to you after the game.