Second Chance (Anthony Rizzo)

(24) Pieces Of The Puzzle

Jessica

Every stroke is different for every patient, just as no two brains are alike they cannot be treated alike either. So symptoms and after effects vary from person to person which makes therapy a little hard. Especially considering I was so young and the stroke was caused by trauma and not failed brain activity.

My case was a little bit better because my only lasting problem so far has been the memory loss. Since my stroke was in the right side of my brain my left side was effected. I didn't have use of my left arm for a while and had to learn how to walk again. Learn how to talk again and use my own brain. That first month was hell, the second month was bareable and by the third month I was able to live again. Luckily being so young my brain was able to help me repair itself to a certain extent. But of course there is so many things that I have to live with now that I am stuck in 2010 and everyone else isn't.

So a few days a week for a hour or so I go to the rehabilitation center and meet with my psychologist. She was old and sweet and not used to working with someone my age. Strokes like mine caused by brain hemmorages are a little easier to deal with because it was not the fault of the brain but the physical damage instead. So many parts of my brain were still well and fully functional, we just want to make sure the damaged parts don't effect those untouched parts.

I sit in the office chair I've been in dozens of times before as I meet with Mary. She has been with me since the beginning and I appreciate how hard she works with me.

"Good morning Mary" I start as she smiles at me.

"Good morning Jessica, how are you feeling today" she wonders.

"A little headache but nothing more than that. My MRI came back clean and they don't think they will need any further surgeries unless I get hit in the head again or the bleeding comes back. So now we're just focused on making sure I can somehow keep moving forward" I explain.

"What are your plans for the future? How do you plan to keep moving forward" she asks.

"I'm not really sure. I was so focused on remembering and now I have to work on creating. I have a job now, so that's really exciting. I'm excited to be able to work with Anthony's family on doing things to raise money. They made me a chairmen so I get to make new fundraisers and interact with the kids and help Anthony reach as many people as he can. I really enjoy being able to create in that sense.

And of course there's Anthony himself. It's crazy how I spend two months outside the hospital and all of the sudden I meet him and it's endgame. I'm okay with never meeting another man ever again as long as I'm with him" I say softly as I smile to myself.

"How serious are you guys" she wonders.

"We don't really talk about it much. I don't know know how to bring it up and I don't believe he thinks about how far we've come and how far we're going. There's things he's not saying to me and things I'm not saying to him because it changes so much. What we have now is amazing and I don't want to lose that" I try to explain.

"Do you love him" she wonders. I feel my heart bang against my chest begging to be heard by someone. I've silenced it for so long and someone is finally asking the right questions. I just wish I knew what to say.

"I do love him. I don't know much about anything but I know that much. He is everything I wish to be, strong, funny, passionate, head strong. I admire the way he sees the world, with such excitement, not scared of what it can take from him but excited to see what it can give to him.

I've loved him for a while, for the longest time it feels like. I can tell by the way he makes my heart race when his eyes meet mine. I can feel it by the way he holds me closer than I ever thought was possible. I can see it by the way I never want to look away from him because I won't see anything better" I say.

"And you haven't told him" she asks.

"No. There's so much unspoken between us, and I don't think that's so bad. My unknowing of so many things is what has allowed me to fall in love in the first place. To want to spend the rest of my life with this one man. It's a "if you don't say it and I don't say it then that's okay" kind of situation. We don't need to" I try.

"Do you believe he loves you too" she wonders.

I sit for a second and I think before a smile comes on my face. "I believe he does. I believe he fell in love with this girl who didn't know much with the hopes to show her everything. And he has. He's taken me around this whole city, in the air, on the water. Taken me to New York to show me that after we see everything in this city there's more out there for us to see together. I have every right to believe he loves me too, even if we don't say it" I try.

"So what's stopping you" she wonders.

"Fear. I'm better but I'm still scared, still not sure what to think. I still feel like there's so many pieces of my puzzle I'm missing I'll never be complete and that will hold him back too. He's everything I'm not and it's scary to fall in love with someone you believe is perfect for you. Especially when you're not really sure who you are" I whisper.

"You know who you are Jess, and the best part is that you're not the same person you were yesterday. And you're not the same person you'll be tomorrow. But the love is what keeps you the same, because no matter what day it is you will love him, and he will love you. That's what matters most no matter what pieces of the puzzle show up" she claims.

I let out a soft sigh as I nod. This kind of therapy was worse than the physical therapy. Sometimes I wish I was asleep again so I didn't have so much to think about. But we were going to have to have this conversation eventually. Feelings like this can't stay away forever. We both knew that. I'm just not sure we were ready for what comes after we say it.