Second Chance (Anthony Rizzo)

(53) Love Will Prosper

Anthony

Christmas was amazing and New Years was fun but today... today was a day I had been trying to forget about for a year now.

It was a year ago today I woke up to a empty bed. I can still remember how fast my heart was beating, it got quicker with each passing second I didn't know where she was. She didn't answer her phone and we had no idea where she could be, if she was okay, what could have happened. And what did happen was worse than anything I thought of. I would her rather be cheating on me than fighting for her life any day.

I never in my life want to feel like I did that morning. I never in my life want to go through that amount of pain. By the time we found her all memories of me were gone, I had lost her and I didn't even know it yet. As far as worst days of my life, that one wins.

And I didn't want to freak her out as she sleeps in bed next to me but I also felt sick to my stomach. I was ill thinking that I could go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and she could be gone from me again, maybe for forever this time. This day will forever be one that I want to forget but the one that seems to stick with me the most.

So I never went to sleep, I laid there and just watch Jess like if I took my eyes off of her she would be gone. She was asleep peacefully and I wouldn't even think about sleep. I just watch her for hours making sure she was still here, still okay. I know me watching over her wasn't going to change anything but I needed to know she was still here.

At about 5 in the morning she starts to stir. She rolls over and reaches out for me but I was sitting instead of laying so I couldn't cuddle. "Are you up" she mumbles.

"Yeah" I admit making her slowly open her eyes. She looks me over a few times before furrowing her eyebrows.

"How long have you been up" she wonders.

"I never went to sleep" I admit.

"Baby that's not good for you, go to sleep" she tries as she closes her eyes.

I don't move as I just watch her. When I take too long to respond she opens her eyes back up. A soft sigh passes her lips as she sits up next to me.

"What's wrong" she wonders.

Again I don't say anything. I just sit there and choke on the words I never wanted to speak again.

"Babe I can't help you if you don't talk to me" she begs.

The tears swell in my eyes as I try to choke them back. But I'm no match for these feelings, I'm no match for the memories that come on this day.

"I don't want to lose you" I whisper as she looks at me weird.

"What are you taking about" she questions.

"You're lucky because you don't remember this day like I do. But I can't forget it no matter how hard I try. I can't sleep because I'm afraid that if I do go to bed I'm going to wake up and you're going to be gone again" I explain.

She runs her fingers through her hair and I could just tell she had a feeling this was what this was all about. And she feels just as helpless about this situation as I did. Lucky her, she doesn't remember any of this. She remembers almost six years ago then she remembers waking up, that's all. But I'm not so lucky to have these feelings and memories forgotten. Even with her here with me now I'm scared, terrified of losing her again.

"So what exactly were you planning to do? To keep me locked up here like Rapunzel because you're scared of things we have no control over" she asks me.

"Don't be ridiculous, your hair would never get that long" I joke as she tries to hide a smile.

"I'm serious Anthony. You sitting here watching over me like a Hawk is never going to save me from anything" she reminds me.

"I know that. Trust me, I have to worst reminder in the world that I am no match for life. But I feel better seeing that you're still here" I try.

"I'm not going anywhere" she claims.

"Really? Because that's what it was like the first time around" I defend.

"And look at me Anthony! I'm still here. I'm right here where I belong. The unimaginable happened and I am sorry for that. I'm sorry I will never know the pain you felt. I'm sorry I put you through that.

But the fact I'm still here, the fact that after everything that had happened I ended right here in this bed with you means our love will always prosper. And now we're stronger than ever, through those dark days where you would roll over in bed and I wasn't there, we ended up here. You have to believe as I do that no matter what happens I will end up right where I belong" she insists.

She wipes a tear from my cheek as I try to sniffle away the rest. I still had this heart wrenching feeling in my chest knowing what today was. I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about that day and the fact I remember every single detail. But she had a point, if something were to happen again she would find her way to me again. She always does. At least the future for us is set in stone.

But it doesn't stop the hurting from a year ago.

"Why don't we go watch the sunrise" she asks me and I smile.

"That sounds beautiful" I admit.

So we get up and change before heading out. We go just outside the city so the sun comes up between the beautiful buildings that made this city one of a kind.

Jess lays her head on my shoulder and I smile. My worries seem to melt away as she laces her fingers through mine. It was still cold outside but I felt warm on the inside. The warmth of her love taking away the coldness that comes with my fears of being alone and without her love. While the cause of my pain was her, she was the cure too. And there is no better feeling than watching the sun rise with the one person you can't live without.

"Thank you" I tell her.

She looks up at me and it makes my heart skip a beat. A smile crawls on her face and it made for a sight just as beautiful as this sunrise.

"I love you more than anything in this world, you know that right" she asks.

"Of course I do. We are getting married next month" I remind her.

"Yes we are" she smiles.