Second Chance (Anthony Rizzo)

(44) Worth The Risk

Anthony

Once our work here was done I bring Jess out on the boat I kept in Florida. Fort Lauderdale was a short half an hour away from Parkland and that gave me a lot of time to go to the beach growing up. I took my sports seriously but my love for life and the finer things in it was always bigger. I could get stuff done on the field then watch the sunset over the ocean. What a beautiful sight that is. And luckily for me a few things on Jessica's list of stuff she wants to do was learn how to drive a boat and watch the sunset over the ocean.

So we pack some things into the boat to last us for the rest of the day and get ready to take off. Unfortunately I'm gonna need a bigger boat to fit Tiny so he's hanging out with grandma and grandpa today. Jess had a swim suit she was dying to try and since it's November there's not too many places you would want to be wearing that right now. Luckily Florida was the perfect place.

"Okay I'm a little scared" Jess admits as I try my best to explain to her what to do. It is like driving a car in the way you steer but that's about it.

"You'll be fine. You've actually done this before so maybe muscle memory will kick in" I say.

"For both of our sakes I hope that's true" she giggles.

I help her get away from the dock before letting her take over. I stand behind her and help her steer when she needs it. Driving a boat can be difficult but it becomes second nature once you're used to it. And it's not a huge boat so I think she's going to do just fine.

Jess takes off into the waters and I admire her as the wind flows through her hair whipping it around. She had the most stunning smile on her face without even trying. The kind of smile that comes after so many days of not being able to smile or it not being a real smile. It was so nice to see her let go of everything and open up again. Even though she's still scared she wants to do these things, she wants to feel alive after having been slowly dying on the inside for so long.

And I hate that I can give her all these things on her list and it'll never be able to replace what she lost. I hate so much that so many times with her and I that I thought were unforgettable are now forgotten. If I could give her a sense of peace, of purpose when it comes to what all was taken from her, I would give up anything for her to have that. I wouldn't give up what we had now for what we had before, for I truly believe this version of her is the most pure and most beautiful. If I could get her to see that, and to believe me, I would.

But I can't. Instead I am stuck here in the moment that matters most. The present. And I have to take advantage of the time we have before it gets lost.

"This is amazing" she yells over the wind. That smile still painted on her face like she was what the Mona Lisa was supposed to be.

"You're doing great" I assure her.

After going a few miles out we drop anchor. I take pictures like a proud parent to show that she drove us out here and we didn't die. She was actually a really good driver so it's not wonder she is so good at this. I hope this means she will take over some shifts whenever we decide to come out here or to Lake Michigan.

Once we were settled in I grab the picnic basket and set it out on the floor of the boat. We grab whatever food sounds good and let music play in the background like always. One thing we always bonded over was music and I'm happy that hasn't changed.

"I've been thinking" I start.

"About what" she wonders as she tosses a grape in her mouth.

"Us. The wedding" I admit.

"I don't even know where to start" she sighs.

"Why don't we just elope. You know. Just go get married" I offer.

"After everything we've been through you want it to be over just like that" she accuses.

"It beats you beating yourself up about it. I just... I don't want you to be stressed. That's not good for your brain" I try.

"You think something like what happened last time will happen again" she asks.

I stay silent as I let out a sigh. How she always reads me like that I will never get it. Kinda hated it, nothing gets past her. But in a way she was right. "I don't want you to do all of this planning and not even get to see it happen" I try.

"We dream for the soul purpose of having to make it come true. If we don't make plans like this the only people who get shorted is us. I know you're afraid of history repeating itself but I don't even remember what happened the first place" she tries.

"It was an accident. I know it was an accident. But maybe if you weren't so worried about the wedding you wouldn't have been out so late. Maybe if you weren't so tired from making endless phone calls you would have had the energy to stay up. Maybe if you had Rachel come over to our place instead of going to hers this never would have happened" I say.

"Baby you can't think like that" she insists as she cups my cheek. I lean into her hand as she holds me close. "This wasn't your fault. There wasn't a thing you could do to stop something from happening when it was just an accident."

"I know" I sigh. "I just want so bad for you to be happy with me. Not worried about a thing and we can just live happily ever after."

"I want to go through the wedding process. Go try cakes with you and laugh at you because you eat everything even though you decided what cake you wanted after the first piece. I want to try on wedding dresses and try to choose which one will make you knees weak. I want to find a place perfect for us to start the rest of our lives together. And I know there's risks but to be married to you, it's worth it" she promises.

"Promise me that if it gets too much you'll tell me. And no going out when you're tired. I'd rather you spend the night with a friend than to rush home to see me even though I'll always be waiting for you" I promise.

"I can do that" she smiles.

"Good" I reply as I place a kiss on her forehead.