Sullies of Haunted Yesterday (Casa Fuego Series #4)

Chapter 26

Dinner 

Facing sideways as I lay in bed, I stared at the pillow beside me. Simula pagkagising ko, tulala na ako sa tabi, walang ganang bumangon para sa isang panibagong araw.

For the past six years, especially when I do not have work or errands, most of my mornings have always been like this. Sobrang tahimik ng apartment, at nakakasawang isipin na parehong routine ang gagawin.

Maybe because I've achieved most of my dreams that I'm running out of things to look forward to. Or maybe I got fed up with always having just dreams and plans about my studies and career to look forward to since I was young.

Nowadays, I look forward to something else... or more like... I yearn for something apart from my career.

Bumuntong hininga ako.

I admit it. Idle mornings mean moments where I catch myself fantasizing about Eros lying beside me. Or waking up to the whiff of eggs Mama cooked in the kitchen. As years go by, the more I feel lonely. The more dreams I accomplish, the more I yearn for something more than my career.

Sa mga nakalipas na taon, unti-unti nang rumerehistro sa isip at puso ko na wala na si Mama. Na kahit anong gawin ko, hindi na siya babalik. Kaya mas mahirap mangulila kay Eros... kasi alam kong narito pa siya. O dahil alam kong may pagkakataon sana na magkasama kami ngayon, kung hindi ko lang siya pinagtabuyan.

It's frustrating. I think I'm going crazy, because for the past six years, I keep chasing their shadows in places where they are supposed to be. In the past, Eros and I never shared a bed. Yet here I am... seeing him lying down beside me, facing me, and smiling at me. It looks so real... so familiar... like it had happened before... even when it clearly did not.

Where does my mind get all these ideas? Why do my eyes keep chasing his shadow everywhere I look? Like a ghost that haunts me... and never lets me go.

Umula ako ng pwesto pero hindi iyon nakatulong dahil bumungad sa akin ang mantsadong sketch sa dingding. Should I put it out and hide it? Was it a bad idea to display it? At this point, would removing it even help?

"Emy! Get up there!"

Napabangon ako nang narinig ang boses ni Therese. Alam niya ang passcode ng apartment ko kaya nakapasok siya.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto. May mga pagkaing dala si Therese. Nilapag niya iyon sa lamesa. Siya na rin ang nagbukas ng mga kurtina kaya lumiwanag ang apartment ko.

"Buti na lang may dala ka. Nagugutom pala ako."

"Kakagising mo lang?" She was shocked because she knew I'm a morning person.

"Hindi."

"Ba't mukhang kakagising mo lang? At nakapajama ka pa. Usually, kapag ganitong oras, nabago mo na ang mundo."

I glared at her. But then my gaze on her softened when I saw how blooming she looked. Happiness radiated off her, and I haven't seen her this radiant in years. Something dulled in her eyes in the past years, and now, it didn't only sparkle like embers. It's blazing again, like fire that can never be extinguished.

I'm happy for her... and proud of her.

"Kanina pa ako gising. Hindi lang ako bumangon."

Kumagat ako sa pancake na dala niya. Nagtagal naman ang tingin niya sa akin, pinapakiramdaman ako.

"So..." she cleared her throat. "What did you guys talk about? I saw you go after him... last night."

Hindi ako nag-angat ng tingin.