Heart Pangs

Chapter 12 - The Frog

Felix's throws his gaze wildly about, looking for a witness. It might be late at night, but he's still out in the open in the middle of a prey neighborhood. If someone happened to look out the window or go for a walk at just the right time.... Felix spins to look at Benji's house. What if Benji's mom had seen? Or Brandon? Oh god, what if Camille had seen? Felix had already resolved to stay away from her, but for things to end like this....

But everything is still and everything is quiet.

Felix's heart is racing which makes the contrasting stillness in his belly even odder. Why isn't Benji struggling? Surely he must be terrified. Felix just betrayed him in the worst possible way. For a fleeting second, Felix is worried he did something wrong and hurt Benji in the process of swallowing him.

Felix squeezes his eyes shut and stands as still as possible, begging for some indication of life within him. There it is, he's sure of it. The small expansion and deflation against the lining of his stomach. Benji is breathing.

Felix's eyes flutter open. He needs to get somewhere private to release Benji, and fast. But where? Certainly not in the Marotta household, but that's the only nearby place Felix can think of. Or no, the shed. The shed in the backyard. Yes, that would do.

Felix walks as fast as he dares, hunched over and hugging his belly like he's protecting something precious. And as far as he's concerned, he is.

He passes the place right around the corner of the house where he told Camille she'd always be safe around him (what a lie that had turned out to be), where he'd kissed her forehead and felt something he hadn't understood at the time. Felix clenches his jaw until it hurts. He knows now what he felt.

The next moment, he's at the shed, fumbling with the knob and nearly knocking his head on the doorframe as he stumbles inside. There's a light inside, Felix knows. He grabs blindly at thin air several times before he finds the pull cord and the shed lights up.

He looks around. Everything is as he remembers it. On one side of the shed lean two bikes. One is Camille's, passed down to her from Benji. The other used to be Felix's before he outgrew it and passed it on to Benji. It's the one Camille would always sit on the handlebars of. The one she went flying off of and skinned her knees. Felix had let her ride home on his back. He'd tended to her wounds himself. Her mom had looked at him with surprise and said he was very kind for someone like him.

For a pred. She had meant for a pred.

Felix feels sick. If she had known then what he would do to one of her children....

He presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and digs his fingertips into his forehead.

What has he done?

He drops his hands. There's an empty spot before him that would be large enough for Benji to lay once Felix releases him. He needs to release him. Sooner rather than later.

But Felix doesn't move. He just stares.

He doesn't want to release Benji, he realizes. Not now, not ever. He very much likes having Benji inside him. He likes how full he feels. He loves the weight of him, how he finally has Benji all to himself. This is what he's wanted all along, and in no way did following through disappoint. If he lets Benji out, not only would he never have this feeling again, but he'd never have Benji again at all. It would be the end of their friendship.

Felix clenches his fists until his fingers cramp. He hates that he feels this way, like he's some sort of wild animal. Like he's some sort of monster. What he wants is his best friend back. He wants to see him smile, hear him laugh. Hell, he even wants to smell his scent again. But there's something deeper inside him holding him back, telling him not to do it. Benji is his, fully and completely his, and he shouldn't give him back.