Heart Pangs

Chapter 45 - Open

Benji is sitting on the corner of the bed, waiting for his blankets and pillows, when Lux walks out. Lux forces a reassuring smile as he passes, then he sits on the other side of the bed and begins browsing local restaurants. By the time he's finished finding a place to order food and calling in, room service arrives with Benji's bedding. Lux watches mindlessly as Benji sets up his little nest in the corner.

He doesn't even realize he's gone completely out of focus until he hears Benji's voice calling, "Felix? Felix!"

Lux snaps back to attention. "Yes? What is it?"

Benji gives him an odd look. "I asked if you were feeling okay."

"Of course," Lux replies automatically. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Benji peers at him as if he's just said something ridiculous. "Because you look terrible."

Lux stops short. "I'm fine," he insists, although his voice shakes ever so slightly. "Just need something to eat."

Still, Benji's gaze is unwavering. "Felix," he says, "I know you're not doing well. You look like you haven't had a decent night's sleep in days. If there's something going on with you that I should know about... you should tell me. I don't... I don't want things getting too bad with you and not realizing until too late again. If it would help you to get a second room so you can have your own space..."

"No," Lux interrupts with a raise of his hand. "That won't be necessary. I'm not out of control like I was back then."

Benji scoots forward a bit in his nest. "But there is something going on with you?" he presses.

"I'm just—" Lux hesitates. He doesn't want Benji to know how he really feels, but Benji is looking at him so expectantly, he knows he can't keep lying to him. "I'm just so... exhausted," Lux admits in one long breath.

He slides off the edge of the bed and onto the floor. It feels good to have the side of the bed to lean back into. And it feels good to level himself with Benji physically as he levels himself in truth as well.

Lux tilts his head back and lets his eyes fall shut.

Benji scoots just a tad closer. "Why are you so exhausted?"

Lux cracks opens an eye and looks at Benji. "Because I'm so hungry. Because I've been trying to pretend like I'm not this whole week."

Benji swallows. "And you don't mean hungry for normal food."

"No." Lux's admittance to this feels foreign on his tongue.

Benji watches Lux for a long moment, his face unreadable.

"What are you thinking?" Lux asks.

Benji shakes his head. "Just trying to figure out where you're at right now." His forehead creases. "How often do you usually consume? I mean, before all this."

Lux's gaze is unwavering. "Every day."

Benji's carefully crafted mask falters for a brief second. "I see," he answers. "Are they usually contracted prey or...?"

The corner of Lux's mouth curls in distaste. "Is this an interrogation?" he asks. "Epomis' list of twenty questions?"

Benji's nose flares. "This isn't for Epomis," he answers. "In fact, if there was a time where it couldn't be more obvious that I'm not working for Epomis, it would be now. Besides, it's not like you're a Facility worker anymore either. Neither of us have any secrets to keep from each other."

Lux scowls. "Then why have you waited until tonight to start this conversation?"

"It's not an easy conversation to start."