Heart Pangs

Chapter 23 - 'To Live and Give'

One week goes by. And then two weeks. Nobody contacts Benji and he barely leaves the house.

He spends most of his time sitting at the table, sitting on the couch, laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He can barely eat. He can barely sleep. Every few hours he gets up and walks around the house, looking at Camille's things. He's too afraid to touch any of them. It feels like a dishonor. Sometimes he's even afraid to move things. It had been Camille who had set those clean plates out to dry just before they'd left. Benji shouldn't move them now. Same with the towel in the bathroom, the forgotten bag of groceries on the counter, the clean clothes in the dryer. It all becomes some strange monument to Camille.

He thinks a lot about what he should have done. He should have been faster pulling her into the van. He should have made her go in first. He should not have let himself be distracted by the fallen pred authority. He should have been more efficient with lifting Stone. He should have tried harder to convince Camille not to join the mission. He should have tried harder to convince her not to be a part of Epomis at all. He should have been there for her more after the incident. He should have kept her from joining the Alliance. He should have told her about what happened with Felix. He should have, he should have, he should have....

Once or twice Brandon calls, sometimes it's their parents calling. They want to know how Benji's doing and if Camille's okay. She hasn't been answering her phone.

Benji can't tell them the truth. He can't. How is he supposed to? Where would he even begin?

So instead he fights the way his throat closes up and comes up with yet more excuses, more lies. Camille went on a spur of the moment retreat, he tells them. She's cut off from outside communication for now, but she'll be back soon.

He says this last line to himself as much as he says it to his family. Camille will be back soon. She has to be. Epomis is growing stronger every day. They'll find a way to save her.

Brandon and their parents are miffed that Camille would leave without telling them, but they let it slide. Brandon and Sarah are expecting their baby any day now. Everyone has bigger problems to deal with.

Benji's heart clenches at the thought of Camille never meeting her newborn niece or nephew.

No, no, he corrects himself. She will. She has to.

By the end of the second week, Benji's growing impatient. Despite Oscar's warning, he starts making calls. He calls every number connected to Epomis that he can remember, but every single one of them has been disconnected. Benji throws his phone away in frustration.

For the first time, Benji starts to doubt Epomis. Maybe the leak compromised more than just a single mission. Maybe all of Epomis is in danger. Maybe they've already been disbanded. In his mind's eye, Benji sees pred authorities like the ones from that night storming the houses of every Epomis member, dragging them away to who knows where. Maybe there's nothing left of Epomis anymore. Maybe Benji is next.

Nearly halfway through the third week, Benji's phone rings with an unknown number. He picks it up so quickly he nearly smacks himself in the face.

"Hello?" The word comes out in some strange high-pitched whisper.

"We've found the leak." Benji has never been so thankful to hear Oscar's voice. "If you want to see justice for your sister, come to the following address tonight at 9pm."

Benji scrambles with shaking hands to find a pen and paper. He writes the address Oscar gives him. Then, before Benji can get a word in edgewise, Oscar says, "See you tonight," and the line goes dead.

Benji sits with the phone still at his ear. The call suddenly feels like a dream. He checks his call history. It's there. Only a minute long, but the call definitely happened. Benji re-reads the address he's written down just to reassure himself.