Heart Pangs

Chapter 13 - A New Perspective

Benji watches Felix disappear into the night, a chasm opening up within him. He doesn't move, even after he's sure Felix is gone.

Then a chilly breeze washes over him, the kind that comes with the creeping of autumn and the return of school. Benji shivers. Being inside Felix had been unfathomably hot, but now that he's out and soaking wet, the cool wind hits him harder than normal.

He swallows as he realizes he's going to have to sneak inside. None of his family can know what almost happened tonight. They don't need the extra worry, and Camille doesn't need to know that kind of betrayal. Besides, if word gets out, then Felix will get in trouble, and that's not what Benji wants at all.

He goes through the front door, barely able to breathe as he tries not to make a sound. On the other side of the house, he can hear the family watching something on tv. Benji treads light-footed up the stairs, not daring to flip on a light. He risks a run into his room to grab a change of clothes, then he makes it into the bathroom, locking the door tight before turning on the shower.

At first he turns the water up hot. He's freezing now and wants to scrub everything off his skin until he can't feel anymore. But as soon as he steps under the water, he pulls back. He's forgotten how raw the stomach acids have left his skin. The pain isn't intense, just surprising, like he's been out in the sun a little too long. He lowers the water temperature until it feels nice on his skin, then stands under it for a long time.

By the time Benji is out of the shower, he feels a little better. He's clean and his time with Felix has started to feel more like a dream than anything. He's leaving the bathroom when he passes Camille in the hall.

"Hey!" she says in surprise. "I didn't realize you were home yet!"

Benji gives her a small smile and tucks his soiled clothes more tightly under his arm. "Yeah, I'm exhausted so I just went right upstairs and started getting ready for bed."

Camille's brows go up. "You were out all day," she agrees. "Longer than normal. You were with Felix, right?"

Benji nods. "Yeah, kind of an end of the summer, last hangout for who-knows-how-long celebration."

"Last hangout?" Camille repeats. "There's still like half a month of summer." She's looking closely at him, as if she suspects there's something more to the story.

Benji shrugs, hoping he appears nonchalant. "Felix is going to be busy for the rest of the summer, so we had to do it now."

Camille's face falls. "Oh, he is? I was actually hoping the three of us could spend some time together again before school starts. I haven't seen him in forever and I've been thinking lately how much I miss him."

Benji's stomach does a flip-flop and suddenly the events of the night don't feel so dream-like anymore. "Oh yeah, he's going to be really busy. And then, you know, it's his senior year so who knows when he'll be free again. I'm really sorry, Camille."

Camille narrows her eyes. Benji hopes he doesn't sound like he's deliberately trying to keep her away from Felix (which, of course, he is).

"That's too bad," Camille says, her eyes still scanning Benji's face. "Hey, are you feeling all right? Your cheeks are all red."

Benji's hand flies to his cheek and he presses his fingers into the skin. He feels the heat of the burn and realizes he never even stopped to see what he looked like in the mirror.

"I'm— I'm fine," he stutters. "Just a little warm, is all."

Camille looks like she wants to say more but Benji starts moving for his bedroom.