Heart Pangs

Chapter 38 - Impasse

Lux's eyes are shut but he is not asleep.

Even after his microwaved meals, Lux can feel the pressing emptiness in his core. His stomach is an instrument that he uses very often and very well. He can hold off digestion or start it right away. He can speed the process up or slow it down. When it comes to consuming, everything is refined by years of practice. But eating normal food is different.

Normal food isn't something that can sit in his stomach while he holds off digestion. He can't slow things down so his meal is broken down gradually over a period of several hours. He can't let himself feel somewhat full, if even for a little while.

Normal food isn't like living prey. It can't sustain itself. It doesn't hold up, nor can it preserve itself for very long. So by the time Lux is laying in the dark, less than an hour later, his stomach, which is far too efficient at what it does, has already taken care of everything he'd eaten earlier. Once more, it's empty and demanding more.

With how distracted he is by his hunger, Lux is surprised that he's still able to sense when something small and cautious approaches him in the darkness. He opens his eyes and there's Camille standing over him. Her scent washes over him and his pulse quickens.

"I thought you didn't want to see me," Lux says, unmoving.

"I don't," Camille responds then falls silent.

"Well, you're doing a poor job of showing it," Lux goes on.

"I needed you to know something."

That catches Lux's attention. He sits up. Camille flinches but doesn't move away.

"What is it?" Lux asks.

Camille draws breath and straightens herself. "I need you to know that I'm not buying it."

Lux tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. "Not buying what exactly?"

Camille clenches her fists. "You may have Benji fooled into thinking that there's still some good left in you," she says, "that there's some speck of the person he once called a friend buried deep inside you, but I know the truth. I know that part of you is long gone. There's nothing left in you to trust or to have hope in. You kill us by the handful and think nothing of it. You consume us for your own enjoyment and couldn't care less about how much it affects those on the other end of that contract."

Lux's eyes narrow at her words. "That's not true," he mutters.

Camille's expression turns incredulous. "Isn't it? Have you really convinced even yourself that what you do okay? Is that how you sleep at night with a gut full of prey? By telling yourself you're a good person even as you break down someone who had friends and family and feelings and a whole life ahead of them? Are you really so delusional that you believe that's all okay?"

"No," Lux begins to explain. "It's not like that. It's more complicated than that—"

"What's complicated about it?" Camille's voice cracks with frustration. "You kill people. You put a wristband on my brother, on someone you used to call your best friend. And don't tell me that it's for 'his protection,'" she adds before Lux can argue otherwise. "What a pathetic excuse. If you wanted to protect him, you'd stay as far away from him as possible.

"I know what you did to him as a teenager. Benji might think it was an accident. He may have even forgiven you for what you did to him, but he was young and he's always willing to see the best in people. I'm not like that. At least, not anymore. I've been consumed enough to know it's not something quick and easy to slip up on, especially if the prey fights back. You knew exactly what you were doing when you consumed him back then, and you didn't stop yourself because it's what you wanted.