Ginoo (Lorn Series #2)

Epilogue

Dream.

When I was young, I always wondered how it feels like to have a complete family. What it feels like to have a father who will become your role model. What it feels like to have a mother who will support you on your dreams. But sadly, my mother is the one who crushed my dream when I was young, and that is, to have a complete family.

"Daddy, I have an assignment po." the 7-year old me said to my father who's busy on his office.

"What is it, son? Maybe Kuya Edward can help you. I'm busy, okay?" Dad said, not even bothering to take a glance at me.

At a young age, naiintindihan ko na ang lahat ng mga ginagawa ni Daddy. I know that he's doing it for us. Sanay na ako na busy s'ya, sanay na ako na gabi na s'ya nauwi at kung minsan man ay hindi. Higit sa lahat, sanay na ako sa tuwing nakakalimutan n'ya ang espesyal na araw ko. At the age of 7, you can't expect a child to understand that kind of situation. But I do, guess I got used to it already.

But what a 7-year old me cannot understand is not having a mother beside us just like my classmates. The young me cannot understand it whenever Dad told me that he and Mom are not on good terms. I cannot understand why it's easy for Mom to be away from us.

"Pero, Daddy.... our assignment is to bring a family picture. Kuya Edward said he doesn't know anything about it."

I heard him heave a sigh and then slowly put down his paper works to stare at my innocent eyes. There are some emotions hidden on his eyes that I cannot name. But I feel like he's holding something back. Maybe his tears?

"Okay, ako na ang bahala. Just go to your room and rest. Ako na ang iintindi sa assignment mo, okay?" he said it with a smile but I can see that his eyes are weary.

Maybe he's tired. Tired of what? Tired of waiting for someone who's not even planning to come back?

But I ignored the hidden emotions in his eyes, nor the weariness in his face. I can tell that he's tired but you cannot just tell a person to rest when he, himself, doesn't want to take a break.

Kahit na ramdam ko ang pagod kay Dad ay isinawalang-bahala ko iyon. Dahil nang mga panahong yun ay abala ako sa isiping makikita ko na ang mama ko, kahit sa picture man lang.

Kaso nga lang, it turns out na ang lalaking hinahangaan mo ay ang s'ya rin palang magiging dahilan ng pagkasira mo.

"Sabi ni Daddy may mommy ako, di lang sila okay." naluluha man ngunit pilit ko itong nilalabanan.

"Sabi lang yan ng Daddy mo, he's lying. My mom said your mom left you dahil ayaw n'ya sayo!" pangungutya sa akin ng kaklase ko.

"That's not true! Hindi nagsisinungaling si Daddy, he said mommy loves me! Babalik s'ya kapag okay na sila." pilit kong ipinaglalaban ang tatay ko kahit na ang utak ko na mismo ang tumatanggap ng pagkatalo.

Pero hindi kaya ng puso. Hindi kaya ng puso kong tanggapin ang katotohanan. I admired my Dad so much to the point na handa akong maniwala sa mga kasinungalingan n'ya.

"Hindi sila okay dahil wala ka naman talagang mommy. Kaya nga drawing lang 'yang family picture n'yo e. Kasi wala ka namang mommy. Walang mommy! Walang mommy!"

Hanggang sa hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. I punched him in the face, dahilan ng pagdugo ng ilong n'ya at pagsigawan ng mga kaklase namin.

Everyone kept on blaming me pero for the first time, nakaramdam ako ng satisfaction nang marinig ko ang iyak ng kaklase ko. I feel satisfied dahil nagawa ko s'yang saktan. I feel satisfied kasi pakiramdam ko kaya ko nang ipagtanggol ang sarili ko. Pero akala ko lang pala yun.