A Soulmate's Love

Chapter 2 - Reality

*T.W. this chapter contains mentions of both physical and mental abuse and may be triggering because of the description of an E.D. No graphic scenes. 

The days following my outburst were some of the strangest, yet most empowering of my life. My team was in awe of what I had said, congratulating and thanking me for standing up to her. On the ice, however, things were a little different. 

I had admitted to my mom that I wasn't enjoying figure skating anymore, that it had become an environment that I dreaded being in for 8 hours a day, and that I wanted to stop. She had listened and was understanding, but was disappointed. She was saying that I should continue and maybe this was just a phase, but that she wanted me to be happy above all else, and that if quitting was going to achieve that I could. 

My father - Grace, Ethan, and Axel's stepdad - was great when she met him. He was an athletic rich English boy in law school, what's not to like? Even though the 3 oldest weren't his, he still treated them as his own and was devoted to the boy's athletic lives. But being a criminal lawyer and the most well-known on the island gets to a man. As time passed, he became more and more distant, not just from his wife, but his kids. And when they had Anaiah, 7 years after me, it was the tipping point for him. He loved her, and all of us, but whenever he was with us, he would also be thinking about a case he was working on. The trauma one experiences from being subjected to death, violence, cruelty, and injustice had gotten to him, and I didn't blame him. Naturally, Andrew and Ethan assumed the father figure role for Anaiah, purely out of their love for her.

Time Jump - I'm 10 years old

I had quit figure skating, and so did Grace. She was now competitive swimming, and boy was she good. In two years, she had been offered a scholarship in the states but being her sister and best friend, I knew she hated it. I on the other hand was now in competitive dance, and I was happy. My teachers were great, I made some of the best friends I would ever have, including Elise, and for the first time in my entire life, I was excited to go. 

I was especially interested in ballet and contemporary. I found them so beautiful, graceful, and peaceful, and because of my long legs and delicate hands, my teachers found a liking in me. I found my best friend, Elise Beauchamp. She too loved ballet and we quickly grew inseparable. 

As I aged, however, my powers developed, and she was the only one I had to confide in. Luckily, she understood and was excited, to my surprise. 

I was worried about what I was going to tell my family, especially my siblings.  The first person I told was my mom. She was shocked, to say the least. She was born and raised a muggle and all of a sudden, her fourth child was telling her they were a witch. But we both traced her family tree to a distant cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange, who was a pureblood. I guess the genes recessed onto me, but it was still very strange. 

Time passed and I spent more and more time doing ballet, I even competed in a duet with Elise which was nothing but magical. But as I grew up, I became more and more aware of my body and what I can do to shape it the way I want. Even though my whole childhood was spent relentlessly exercising and dieting, I was still a little girl, and I guess it just didn't affect me as much. 

I started to get anxious when I had to show my body to my mom, afraid of what she might say. I became slightly envious when I saw Grace's body, because of her flat stomach and spotless thighs, and I began comparing myself to elite ballerinas and girls I saw on social media. I didn't notice at the time, but the unhealthy habits I was starting to form such as skipping breakfast to keep my morning skinny, only eating the same 3 foods; yogurt, salad, and dry cheerios, and growing scared of eating certain foods was not a normal thing. 

Before I knew it, those little habits had turned into permanent changes in my life. I would say things such as: "You know, I'm just really not hungry today I don't know why", to act as if this was natural, or when we ordered in and my family asked what I wanted, "a diet coke is fine!" or when I would spend long periods of time in my room I would say, "Oh I just studied, and took a shower." when I had really worked out for 4 hours on an empty stomach. 

By that time, I knew I had a problem, but I also knew that there was no way out. 

Since I was a child, I had hated exercise, probably based on the intense sessions I would have when I was younger, so now was not any different. Instead of exercising an excess amount, I chose to not drink water in fear of bloating, to eat dry cheerios and other foods that didn't have much mass, so that when I ate them, I wouldn't gain weight or bloat, and to eat while no one was watching or everyone was asleep so that they didn't see how much I ate. The problem with this though was that at least once a week I would overeat, my body vengeful of not nurturing itself enough. And on those days, I felt the guiltiest I had ever felt. 

All of my other friends were stick thin, petite, and short, weighing 80 pounds, while I was always the tallest of my class, and had curves, descended from my African heritage. I hated it. If I had known that my curves, hair, and skin were beautiful at the time... 

When my mom would complement my body - "Althea, you did what I told you so keep it up." - I would feel a sense of pride, which only fueled my starving.

Soon enough, the E.D poisoned my life, it was constantly on my mind - "Do I look fat right now? Maybe I should just skip this meal since I want to look skinny in that top, my mom is watching me make my dinner I should take some food off"

As a child, I was diagnosed with high-functioning anxiety, which means that if I don't accomplish things, or perform to my standards, it would worsen and that my appearance and academics would constantly be on my mind, but no one would notice, because I wouldn't show the signs.  As well as being gifted, I was always insecure. Insecure about my academics, always stressing about school and assignments, thinking that I had to be better to prove my worth, and insecure about my body and how I appeared to others. 

I was never a person who shared my emotions with others. I didn't like being touched, even a pat on the back or a hug made me uncomfortable, not even if it came from family.

The only person that I allowed, however, was my mom. I always felt a sense of comfort in her embrace, and she was the only one who could tell when my anxiety took over me, or when I just needed her love. Whenever we wanted to say "I love you", she would squeeze my hand twice, like a heartbeat, and it always reassured me, it was our language. 

I knew my mom struggled, not only with having 5 kids, but with a marriage that drained her, her own trauma, managing her family name to ensure that our lives weren't completely disrupted by the power, and staying strong for every one of us. She made sure that we were loving to one another, always, even if we were upset with each other. She would make me and Grace warm milk with honey after figure skating when we were cold, she would force my dad to spend a minimum of time with me so that I wouldn't notice how bad of a father he really was. Without her, I would not be the woman I am today; something I would never be able to make up for.

So, when my father and her divorced, she took full custody, not that he wanted me anyway. 

It was strange to me really how quickly he lost interest in my existence. He was once a man who would push me on the swings, take me to go get massive ice creams with as many toppings as I wanted (without telling my mom of course), and give me a piggyback ride whenever I felt too lazy to walk. He would come with us to our cottage during the summers, despite his work, and he was someone I was proud to call my dad. But now, we barely spoke, only when he would drive me to dance, in which I would speak about current politics that I had studied the night before, only for him to actually talk to me. 

* Hey guys, I know this chapter was probably boring and probably not very interesting, but I thought that it was really important to inform you of the struggles many people face daily and that if you're one of those people, that you are loved and worthy. I love you all endlessly <3