A Soulmate's Love

Chapter 59 - Self-deprecation

George held me to him tightly as he slept, and although this has been the same since the first time we've slept the night together, tonight he held onto me with more urgency than usual. His hold and warmth against me would always be a comfort, and on the nights I needed it the most he would be my saving grace for sleep - but for now, the silence was leaving me alone to my thoughts which was the worst possible thing at the moment. 

How could I have not understood earlier?

Gifted this, prodigy that, and I wasn't fucking bright enough to catch on a little earlier than they didn't give two shits about me? Like how fucking stupid can a girl be? 

I learned all the languages for the conferences, all the instruments, skipped the grades, recited what they had made me memorize; I was at their disposal to use all these years and it never once occurred that it was never because they loved me. 

Don... I knew when he left, years later though, and a part of me had always lied to myself in saying that my childhood with him was something.
My Mom though? I starved myself until my eyelashes were falling out and my skin was littered with bruises. I kept my rape to myself because I was scared she would hate me for embarrassing her and being a disgrace. I would take all these fucking pills just to get an 'I expected worse' comment. 

Those fucking pills ruined me; for nothing.

Honestly, the only one to be disappointed in is me. 

I'm the one way too fucking oblivious to notice basic human behavior, so I have no reason to be upset. Why the fuck am I even sad, shocked even? Why is it even a big deal? I'm just being dramatic. So what my parents never loved me? Life moves on and no one is impacted by it so what's the point in dwelling on the fact?

Last night was a slip in my emotions and it's time I get them back in check. 

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. 

Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, it doesn't fucking matter.

I'm fine without whatever normal parents offer. 

You almost cried- in front of someone; gross. Get yourself together bitch. 

And with that being said, I pried George's protective hold off of me and jumped out of bed. I got dressed in my school attire with no idea what time in the night it was, and did my stuff to make me look alive when the rest of humankind wakes up. 

Then, I checked the clock - 04:17. Pretty early but you know what, that's enough time to let me think before George distracts me with all his love and care; sweet boy.

Taking the map with me, I quietly set George's alarm and a small note on my side of the bed with the words 'I'm alive don't worry babe <3' written in ink. I hated when he got all worried for my mental health and well-being because he would get upset and that was never supposed to happen. George was always supposed to be happy.

And just as I was exiting the door, I darted right back in to kiss him on the lips and cheek.

George's Perspective

I wake up to the alarm sounding a romantic French love song, a sign I knew meant that she had set it up. I rarely ever use an alarm she's the one who wakes me at around 7:00 each morning because it's when her second wave of deep sleep hits and she snores all cutely and quietly. 

Speak of the devil, - which I am wholeheartedly in love with and don't think of as the devil at all - why am I not hearing snores? Every single morning, I love waking up to that sound and a body clinging onto me for dear life when they're dreaming of work, and at the moment, I'm not feeling that.