Through You

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE - The cut that always bleed

~Gabbi

I try to wrap the long coat I am wearing around my body, the cold air is entering the tank top I am wearing underneath and I am starting to get cold, the blurry sidewalk, and my headache didn't help in making me warm. But as dumb as I was, I didn't realize the coat that I was wearing is only for aesthetic purposes and I can't close it. It's only design to look formal and no matter how I try to close it, It keeps on opening.

"Ah!" I scream, giving up and looking at the empty sidewalk. Uso serial killers sa america diba? Anyway, My head is buzzing and additional fear won't help me get back to my hotel room. I try to reach for my phone sa bwisit na coat na to, Maaway ko yung stylist ko eh, Ang lamig lamig, tapos ito padadala na damit?

"Gabbi, where the hell are you? Hindi mo sinipot ang shoot, ung photographer na in-charge nag antay ng ilang oras nakakahiya!" The text says, I wanted to throw my phone. Pero ang hirap na. Baka may makakita at iniisip ko rin kung may laman ba to na mahahack. I returned the phone inside my pocket and continue walking. I feel a lump of food forming inside my throat, I should not have binged eat at that buffet restaurant, then immediately went bar hopping.

When I could already feel the lump of food entering my mouth, I hang myself on top of the rails this road has to make sure that sa tamang tawiran lang sila tatawid. It is sturdy enough to hold my weight, sana ganito din sa pilipinas. I vomited all the food that I had eat earlier. I scream again when It reached my coat. Shit, for promotion lang to, ibabalik ko din to!

I bleakly stared at my vomit, how did I end up being drunk on this dark alley of the streets of new york when I went here for a photo shoot? A shoot that will give me a big break I was hoping for ever since I started being an artist. I feel a warm flow of tears in my eyes, I tried all through out ever since the break up to not cry. But in this foreign country where nobody knows me, I took the chance to be the person I am not.

A drunkard, a person who's been in almost all of the bars I could remember, trying to forget what just happen before I went here. Who just broke my heart and why the hell he broke it. "Maganda naman ako, bakit ako iniwan?" I say, crying. I have this urge to lay down in my own vomit, But the fact na ibabalik ko tong coat stops me para gawin yon.

Then naisip ko, pwede ko naman hubadin yung coat, tapos hihiga ako sa kalsada. I mean, Walang may kilala sakin dito, pwede akong maging baliw! I try to remove it, but I am to weak at ang lakas ng kapit ng coat ko sa katawan ko. I laugh. Hindi nag cocoordiate yung arms ko para matanggal ko yung coat ko. I try again. Laking gulat ko nung may kamay na dumapo sa coat na tinatanggal ko.

"Why are you stripping your clothes here, Ms. Garcia?" A male voice says, I try to look at where the voice came. A handsome boy is refraining me from taking off my clothes, although I can't appreciate his looks because he's doubled in my vision.

"Don't you know how dangerous it was to be walking alone in this side of the streets where bars are common? Mapagkakamalan kang stripper nyan Miss." He continues, I remove his hands on me and laugh.

"Tang ina, andito ko dahil akala ko walang may kilala sakin dito, tapos ano kilala mo ko?" I say, at this point dapat conscious na ako and I should fix myself, but what the hell, Ikaw kaya iwan ng boyfriend mo for 3 years?

"Lasing ka? Hindi ka umattend ng shoot at nag antay ako ng ilang oras, tapos lasing ka?" The male voice says, hindi ko maaninag kung sino ba tong nag sasalita, hindi ko nga din mapansin kung ano ba suot nya. Basta alam ko, sumulpot sya out of nowhere at sinira ang plano kong humiga sa sarili kong suka.

"Sino ka ba? Pinapagalitan mo ba ako? Do you even know half what I am feeling para pagalitan mo ko?" I say, pilit na nag tangkang tanggalin ung sarili ko sa rails kung saan ko sinandal ang aking katawan, pero parang nung nag suka ako, naubos ang lahat ng lakas ko kanina na ginamit ko pang sandal. Nakatayo ako ngunit parang sumadya naman tong coat para matapakan ko at bumaluktot paloob ung ankle ko at saka ako nalaglag.