Through You

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX - Something Different

~Kylie

I woke up with a piercing light entering my eyes, I cover my face halfway to avoid them, but it still hurts. The lights I am staring at is familiar, Am I always going to end up waking in hospitals at such way? If so, This feels different.

I look at the surrounding, I see Rocco, still in his costume, covered with what I presume was my blood. I look for Ruru elsewhere. And when his eyes catches me he stood up. I put my hand on top of my tummy. I no longer feel my baby. I know longer feel anything. That's when I started to catch a drift of what's happening. I knew it, I lost my baby. I knew it.

I forced myself to sit down, I feel Ruru's hand assisting me on my back. I started to cry, no matter how much I try to speak, only tears managed to come out. I'm sorry baby, I am so sorry. I whisper to myself, My body is supposed to be his safe haven, why did my body gave up when this is supposed to be out of all places is a place where my baby could grow.

Ruru is speaking, but as tears blurry my eyes and my ears are deafened due to the whispers in my head, I fail to comprehend what he is trying to send. Your body killed your baby. You killed your own baby. The voice in my mind says. No matter how I try to push them out of me, the words keeps on getting louder and louder.

I wanted to scream, but my body fails to recognize the attempt of me trying to speak. The whispers are getting louder. I look around, ngayon ko lang napansin, that Mary was here. Martin is here. Pero nasa harap ko lang sila, They were only watching how Ruru tries to calm me.

"Hindi ko nga alam, na nag delikado pala ang pag bubuntis ng Anak ko?" I hear a really familiar voice that wanted me to scream and cry again, I change my gaze to the door, Wait as it opens, shock to see Papa, I hold my arms in the air, he ran and hugged me.

The sobs became louder, I still can't speak, the whispers are gone, but I have this instinct to cry much harder, It feels like everyone else in the room can't understand the pain I am currently in, so I will let them knew by crying my heart out.

"Anak.." Papa whispers calmly, tries to Rub my back, an attempt to help alleviate my pain.

Wala na, Wala na yung anak ko...

Sakin dapat sya safe, Ako ang unang tao na dapat makakapagtanggol sakanya, yet my body failed me.

"Kylie.." Now I can hear Ruru's voice, I look at him, I lost his child. He is in pain too. I notice how his eyes are blood shot red, how his eyes are tired, how his eyes are forming brown circles underneath them, yet he managed to give me his most warm smile. He just flash me his smile that says, Everything will be okay.

And I know, that I should adore that smile, It will help me get through this. Pero his smile, Reminded me of what I lost, reminded me of what I will not be getting. Yung ngiting binigay nya, yun din ung dapat ngiti na makukuha ng anak namin. Anak namin na hindi ko naingatan. Anak na kasalanan ko bat nawala.

"E-very o-one, Please leave the room." I say, weakly, burrowed my head on top of my knees. I didn't have the guts to face them, I didn't want to look at them straight seeing what I just said will have an effect on them. I wait for someone, some sound, even the door opening and shutting will be enough for me. I wanted to be numb, and I wanted to shove them off past me. This is too painful I'd rather deal with on my own.

"Anak. Tama ba pag kakarinig ko?" Papa asks, pero pinili ko na lang na wag sya pansinin, hindi ko kaya. Baka mabuking nya na hindi ko talaga sila pinapaalis lahat, si Ruru labg, Hindi ko sya kayang tignan, Doble lamang ang sakit na aking nararamdaman, Hindi ko kaya. Anak nya yung nawala ko, Maiintindihan ko if he wants nothing to do with me.