Spider Girl

21

⚠️possible trigger warning: panic/anxiety attack like things and suicide. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THOSE⚠️

I stood there crying as Pepper pushed the flowers out onto the lake. I held onto Peter's hand. I know this is tough on him. Tony was his idol, his father figure, and he lost him.

I walked up to Pepper and gave her a hug.

"I wish- I wish there was something I could say to make it all better." I sighed.

"It's okay. Part of the journey is the end. It will be tough, but each day it will get better." Pepper said.

I looked down at the little figure who ran next to Pepper.

"You must be Morgan." I said bending down. "I'm Josie." I smiled. I looked at her as a tear fell down my face. "I'm gonna be here for you and your mommy. And if you ever need anything, I'm here." I looked up and saw Peter sitting alone on a near by dock. "I should go." I gave Pepper one last hug before going over to Peter.

"Hey." I said sitting next to him.

"Hey." He said wiping his tears.

"It's okay to cry, Peter." I said wrapping my arms around his chest. "What your going through right now, I expect you to cry. Hiding your emotions might make it worse."

"It's just- it's not fair." He said, his voice breaking. It breaks my heart to see him in pain. I wish there was something I could do to stop it.

"I know." I whispered.

"Hey, Josie, we gotta go." Steve called me.

"Ok. I'll see you at school on Monday. I love you." I gave Peter a quick kiss and walked over to Steve.

"Stark Tower was destroyed a year-ish ago, so you can't stay there anymore. I have a house right on the outskirts of the city, so we're staying there." Steve said. "Buck's gonna stay with us too."

"Bet." I laughed as I got on the quinjet.

"Bet?" Bucky asked confused and looked to Steve. Steve shrugged his shoulders and moved on.

"You guys aren't going to know like half the things I say." I laughed.

...

"I'm off to school!" I called out through the house. I heard a mumble and I walked out the door towards the subway. We only have like a week of school left, but the government said we needed to go.

I was glad to see Hannah was there and still the same age, and it was cool to see the new people who have aged up.

The day dragged on forever, but as soon as it was over I was out of there. Besides, I had something I needed to do.

I walked down the all too familiar street and into the apartment building. I waited in the elevator and my stomach was tying itself into knots.

The building was pretty much trashed and ruined, but people still lived there. It must have been a hard few years.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the apartment door.

"Can I help you?" A man said coming out of the apartment next door. He was a short man with untamed beard and hair.

"Hi, I just wanted to talk to the man who lives here." I explained.

"A year to late for that. Who are you?" The man asked.

"I'm his daughter. I just wanted to speak with him. Does he still live here?"

"He lives in the cemetery outside of town." The man chuckled.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Sorry, sweetheart, he shot himself last April." I couldn't breathe. I nodded quickly and ran into the elevator. He's dead. Just wait until you get back home. Don't be the weirdo crying in the subway.

I ran into my room and shut the door quickly. I couldn't breathe and I felt panicked.

"Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe, just breathe. You're okay, you're fine. Stop panicking!" I quickly told myself. "Calm down! Please stop!" I said quietly. Tears came down my face and I fell to the ground.

"Hey do you care if-" Steve said coming into my room, "what's wrong!?" He asked coming to my side.

"I don't know." I cried.

"I'm right here. You're okay." I nodded. "Um, what's your favorite color?" He asked.

"Emerald green." I said taking a deep breath.

"Why? What do you like about it?" He persisted.

"I think it's really pretty."

"Does it remind you of anything?"

"It makes me think of Spring, and flowers and trees. It comforts me." I said calming down and wiping the tears from my face. "Thanks." I sighed.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked again.

"I went to go see my dad. See if he was okay, if he needed anything." I took a deep breath and gulped. "Yeah, well, he- he uh, shot himself. Last April."

"I'm sorry." Steve said in a soft voice.

"Yeah," I nodded, "even though after all the pain he put me through, all the trauma he gave me, I still love him. I still wish I could have been there to help him through what he went through last April. Every bruise, every cut he gave me, doesn't change the fact that he was my dad. It doesn't change the fact that I wish I could have stopped it."

"You can't blame yourself." Steve said giving me a hug. Those words were great, but it didn't change the fact that I still felt guilty.