BROKEN - to be healed by her (manan ff)✔️

80 : Wish you could tell me...

Manik's pov:

" Manu.." the voice from the walkman hit me harder than a thunderbolt, my senses froze listening to the same voice which was my only lullaby, after seven years.

Tears brimmed at the corner of my eyes threatening to fall as di's voice was heard. It wasn't calming I felt restlessness ruled partially by anticipation of what layed in for me and the rest with the fact that I didn't want this to end.

" Since kaka lead you here, I believe you are stable enough to listen what I have to say.. A story, our story. The ones we lived but knew a little about,maybe because we strived in our own little oblivion our safe haven...alas! Only if things were that simple, tujhe yaad hai dadu kaha karte the
' Life is unfair' turns out like always he wasn't very wrong here too, life is actually,a sadist.

And like every other story there came a point in ours which turned the ordinary tale to a one that needs to be told, The glorified family dinner....You know what tu sahi tha, you were rightly stubborn about not wanting to be a part of it, it was me who pushed it and rightly so mourned later. Kash hum usdin nhi jaate manu..kash!" her forlorn regret stood out as she narrated the part where it all began. Rivulets of tears running through my supple cheeks wetting them in despair, conveying the felt litost. The lump in my throat refused to die out, rather stubborn to make itself felt.

" khair...when you walked out, Nyonika warned me to convince you about abiding by her words. I tried to repel and rebel but none of which seem to affect her she was adamant, I still didn't give up and was about to dismiss her rant when she did what she was best at, hitting at the lowest. She threatened about harming you....and that was the only thing required to suck the air out of me. My blood dried at the thought of losing you..I couldn't....couldn't imagine I didn't want to. Albeit I said nothing she already knew she had got her means." abruptly the remorse in me was taken over by a surge of extreme, inevitable anger towards that woman.

" pata hai uss raat jab tu mujh se milne aaya tha, tujhe aaise rota dekh my heart was hurting and yet there I sat contemplating all the odds. I know you left, disappointed but I just couldn't say anything that could sooth you I didn't want to lie...the moment Nyonika threatened me, I knew I had to let you go...I wasn't as powerful as that lady and just because of my stubborness I didn't want you to suffer..."

" tu toh chala gaya par apne saath mera ek bahot ahem hissa bhi le gaya..tujhe apne se dur jate dekhne ke alawa mere paas koi chara nhi tha...that crippling helplessness left me devastated, I hated this feeling of despair, the fact that I was soo weak that the one person that meant the world to me...I couldn't hold on to him but as the days passed I convinced myself that it was the only sane thing to do, risking your life was in any case not affordable, I would rather live far from you than living without you." pursing my lips together I tried to hold back my sobs. She said she couldn't live without me than why didn't she realize that I would die everyday without her.

" During this time, if there was someone who stood rock solid beside me, helping me back on my feet when I stumbled was Dhruv...He became my shadow, be it home kr college he made sure that I didn't feel alone and did every effort demanded to certain my happiness, you know like that one starlight on a dark night. At times we both...we both went through all our childhood pictures laughing and giggling at the fondest memories, while the other days we sat in silence missing you. The only thing I am guilty about is almost breaking our pact, the night before I compelled you to agree with Nyonika, Dhruv came searching for me and I was at our secret hangout place but I couldn't break our promise so I denied him to step ahead when I heard him approaching." She never ditched the pact. Albeit it sounds ridiculously kiddish a part of me smiled knowing that whether in my presence or not my sister could do anything and everything in her might to keep me away from hurting. I am of the belief that anyone could care about my emotions as much as she did.

" slowly and with little to no realization I fell for him...I fell in LOVE, having felt this emotion which until then was only heard and fantasized about so closely felt surreal like nothing ever before. He became the source of my happiness after you and maybe, that was when I lead myself to the doom." My eyes closed shut regretting the moment di realized she loved him, why is love so unfair to some, why do they fall for people who deserve as little of them as one could possibly give.

" Few months of a dreamy relationship passed, the joy of having loved by the person you love had only started seeping in me, when abruptly my happiness seemed to have met a dead end. My ever so calm love was going berserk on everything and anything, our relationship which started with us being partner's escalated to him being prepotent. Dhruv, the person I fell for was someone who understood me and took me for being the person I was but the Dhruv I was witnessing at that moment was as alien as a stranger to me...like I have never met this person."
With scrunched eyebrows I had all my senses alert and responsive to every word di spoke, although having had a slight assumption about the notion I wasn't quite taken aback but hearing my presumptions be true spiked my intrigue, the want to know what went wrong and so drastically.

" you know they say love makes you feel alive in ways you didn't knew you could live....well, my love killed me in ways I didn't knew I could die.."

Mohobaat karne vaalo ka
Bus yahi hai afsana,

Tadapna chupke chupke,
Aah bharna ghut ke mar jana...

~mughaleazam

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