Affliction

46

ATTENTION !!!

A chapter before this has been deleted. Please reread the previous chapter or two before reading this

Hi!! I'm so happy to be back and feel all the feelings while writing this!! With that being said, pls leave me feedback on what you want to see next! I missed you
Xoxo

Demi

Clink, clink, clink.

The sound of my heals slapping the concrete is enough to send my migraine over the edge. The temptation to take these damn shoes off and walk barefoot through the parking garage is starting to overpower my thoughts.

Clink, clink, clink.

15 hours, I just spent in the studio trying to perfect my album. My throat is raw from how many times I sang the same word, the same syllable, over and over. If one word did not sound right, I re-sang it until I was satisfied. Everyone thinks I'm insane, but this album has to be amazing. I will not accept anything less.

Clink, clink, clink.

Finally, I reach my car and my shoes are instantly in the backseat, far from sight. It could be my extreme exhaustion or the pressure being released from my joints- but my drivers seat feels so comfortable, I consider sleeping in it tonight. I have to be back in a few hours anyway, right?

I pull my phone out for the first time in hours and see missed calls from Annie just minutes ago. I sigh, thinking she would be already asleep instead of waiting up for me.

As I pull out of the parking garage, the line rings once before Annie picks up. "Hey, mom, where are you?"

"Hey, baby," I say, trying my hardest to not sound monotone, "I'm on my way home."

"You were supposed to pick me up two hours ago.." she says, disappointment evident in her tone. Damn you, Wilmer!

"No," I say, "Wilmer was supposed to pick you up. I pick you up tomorrow at 6,"

Between Wilmer and I's hellacious schedule this week, Annie has been at my moms a lot. I have been working sun up to sun down on my album, documentary, meetings, photo shoots, etc. I haven't had time to breathe. Wilmer just started shooting for NCIS and it has been insane, especially with COVID precautions. I've seen Annie for a couple hours between the past three days, and even less Wilmer.

"No," she corrects me, "Today is Thursday. Wilmer got me yesterday, you were supposed to leave early today to get me. Remember? You promised.."

"Shit," I cursed under my breath. My heart sinks to my feet knowing Annie has been looking forward to this all day. I can't imagine her face when I didn't show up.. It makes me feel sick. "I'm so sorry, baby!"

"It's fine," she mumbles, "I'll just stay here again."

"Annie, I'm sorry, I-"

"It's fine, mom, I gotta to," she says interrupting my apology.

"Okay, babe. I love and miss you so much.." and I mean it with every ounce of my being. I miss normalcy already.

"Love you," and the line went dead.

Parent fail.

I feel like I'm not doing much of anything right these past few days. I'm not doing this songwriting thing right, not singing right, not speaking right.. and the most important thing of all: not being a mother right.

"God," I mumble, "please give me a sign I'm doing this right."

Annie deserves someone who works a normal job, and is promised to be home in the evenings. She deserves to go to public school and play any or every sport she wants. She deserves to go to the mall with her friends without a security guard not too far from sight. She deserves a routine.. and now she's stuck with two parents who are the farthest thing from normal.