Affliction

45

Annie

"Stop being dramatic," Demi called as I jogged up the stairs away from her, away from the argument, away from everything.

"You didn't answer my question!" I angrily raised my foot to stomp as I reached the landing, but I remembered Wilmer got mad last time I stomped, so I just angrily drug my feet.

"Stop, get down here." Demi calmly instructed, but I ignored her. I know I should listen to what my mom says, but I think it's in our best interest to not be around each other in the moment.

Suddenly, the voice yelling wasn't Demis. It was Wilmer. "Both of you just figure it out! Enough is enough!"

"That's why I'm up here because I've had enough!" I looked over the balcony, as they stared up at me with angry faces.

"You've had enough?" Demi's fake calmness switched to fuming real fast. "You just stood here and told me your life sucked because I'm your mom!"

"No I did not-"

"Yes you did, Annie!" Demi was physically shaking and it was scaring me. "I took you out of foster care and gave you a life people could only imagine living and you're still so ungrateful! If you hate me so damn much, why don't you try to go find someone who loves you half as much as I do!"

I was speechless. I didn't realize my rambling nonsense affected her as much as it did. I didn't mean any of the things I said, I'm not even sure of half the things I yelled about because I was so angry.

She shook her head up at me and dropped her arms to her side. I thought she was about to go off again, but instead she began walking away.

"Mom, wait," I said, but she was already out of sight.

Whatever. This time, she chose to walk away. I'm fucking done with her and all the arguing we've done. She says I'm dramatic, but I wonder who I get it from?

In my room, I plop down on my bed and angrily flip open my laptop because the demon lady downstairs still has my phone. I can't watch Netflix because if I try to watch a movie or TV show, I won't be able concentrate. My mind would be elsewhere.

So, I go to YouTube instead. At least the videos are way shorter and will keep my attention. But the bad thing about YouTube is you get in this blackhole. First you're watching a challenge, or a story time, then you watch a vlog and after that it's like reality television. You get zoned out and can't stop watching.

••
It's about 2 am, but I'm wide awake. I got sucked into the YouTube loophole and just came across a recommended montage of Demi. I hesitated over the video, but eventually gave in and clicked play.

The video began with Breathe Me by Sia playing in the background which automatically makes my heart heavy. That song will forever hold meaning to it and I can never bring myself to listen to it. It makes myself sick.

The video kept showing sad black and white clips of Demi, making tears stream down my cheeks. Her being gone during this time was the worst months of my life. I watched until the pain in Demi's eyes and remembering how dark of a place she was in was too much. I mentally couldn't watch it anymore. I slam my laptop closed.

"Mom," I mumble, wiping the baby tears from under my eyelids. I'm so used to Demi being in bed with me, I forgot we've been in a fight. How long has it been since we've been ok? Days? Feels like years.