Affliction

4

Annie

There's no way to prepare someone for something so tragic. There isn't something anyone could say to make this better.

Coping.

Coping is something I've struggled with. I don't know how. I try, but I just can't. So now, as my heart shatters in a gazillion pieces, coping is the last thing on my mind.

So many things rush through my head. What am I going to do? If Demi happens to wake up, how will I tell her? Either Demi dies or I tell her the love of her life passed away. Either way, she'll die all together. So, now I know, I've lost both parents.

Breathing seems to be impossible and the obnoxiously white walls start to close in on me.

When I had the nerve to open my eyes, I saw Dianna bent over with her hands over her face, sobbing hysterically. Marissa was yelling at something or someone; sobbing out loud.

So, I began to sob. Sob that I lost Wilmer. Sob that I lost the only thing that was ever a father to me. Sob because he'll never take me out to just get ice cream. He'll never stay up till 3 am watching horror movies with me. He'll never go out of his way on the way home from work to grab that sushi that I love. He'll never be my dad again.

I couldn't look at anyone else before I leaned over and picked up the trash can that was beside the bed and threw up in it. I kept throwing up and sobbing until nothing was left to vomit; so I heaved. I heaved until my throat was burning and my chest started tightening up.

I didn't even notice Arizona by my side, rubbing my back and holding up my hair.

I kept hearing Marissa yell and sob at who knows what, and I couldn't take it anymore. "WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY?!" I screamed at her.

I returned my face down to the trash can wanting to throw up something, just so I could feel. So I wouldn't be numb, but there was nothing else to throw up.

"Annie, shh. Breathe." Arizona soothed.

"Get me out of there!" I cried.

Arizona hopped off the bed and pulled my wheelchair over, quickly helping me get into it from the bed.

I held my hands over my ears until we got into the hallway, then slowly took them off. My heart was racing so crazy and I would do anything to have Demi here to calm me down.

"Annie.." Arizona said, kneeling beside me. "You're having a panic attack. Match your breathing with mine, okay? Okay, slowly, let's go."

I closed my eyes and tried to match my breathing with hers, even though i was having the hiccup breaths. You know when you cry so hard and for so long that when you're done, your breath is super choppy? Yeah.

"Good, good! Look, Annie, you're breathing!" She said.

I nodded up and down, agreeing, not trusting my voice to talk.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked.

"My m-mom." I said.

"Okay." She nodded, "Can you hold your pole so I can push?"

"Y-yeah." I said, reaching over to grasp the pole with shaking hands.

"You really told Marissa what's up." Arizona said.

"She was so a-annoying. Who the fuck is she y-yelling at?" I asked. "Y-yelling isn't bringing him b-back."

"I don't know. I think maybe me or Dr. Shepard? She went a little cray cray."

I agreed, right as she rolled up to my mom's hospital room. She opened the door and helped me wheel in next to Demi's bed.

"I'll leave you alone for a few." Arizona said, leaving the room.

I looked over at her and placed my hand in hers. A week ago it was warm, and caressing the back of my hand. But today it's just cold and solid.

Bowing my head and laying against her arm, I began to cry again. Why me? Why is this happening? No one knows how much I fucking love my mom. My mom is every piece of me. My whole world consists of her. She's my everything with no exaggeration. If I loose her too, I loose everything. There's not point of a living a life if Demi isn't in it.

"P-please don't leave me." I cried. "Mom please, please don't leave me here alone."

I looked up, and did what Demi always told me to do when something bad happens. I asked God to help me. Help me in anyway, shape, or from to just make Demi okay. Help her heal because I need her. I asked him not to take her, she's not ready. I'm not ready. He took Wilmer so he's NOT aloud to take Demi too. How can he take away the only person that was ever a father to me? How can he take away someone that is physically and mentally a part of someone?

I just imagined in the back of my head, the doctor telling me I lost her. Going home that was full of her and Wilmer. I'd be haunted by the memories.

Everywhere I'd go, I'd be reminded of them. Our house, in a car, at the movies, at a restaurant, at Diannas, in a plane, across the world they're both going to be everywhere.

I heard the door open, and saw Dr. Shepard walk in, half smiling sadly.

"Demi has to get one more test run, real fast. Arizona will take you back to your room. She should be here any second." He said, sadly.

"One more? Like for the day? What is this test for?" I asked. Is she going to be better after this? Is this the last test she'll ever have to take?

"No..." He said, like it was obvious. "Her last test, forever."

I sighed in relief. "So, she's better? When do you think she's going to wake up?"

"No, she's not getting better." Dr Shepard shook his head. "I meant last test- ever. Didn't Arizona explain to you what brain dead meant?"

Brain.. Dead? What... The..

Arizona barged in the room in that exact moment. "WHAT THE FUCK DEREK?! WHY WOULD I TELL HER THAT THE DAY HER DAD DIED?!"

I watched as he realized what he did, but I didn't care. All the pain came crashing down at once. Holy shit I can't breath. I sucked in for air but I can't breathe. I'm gagging. I. Can't. Breathe.

"I," sucked in a breath, "cantbreathe!"

Wilmer is dead. My moms brain dead. No, no, no, no.

"NO!" I screamed, thrusting my arms around, sobbing into the air hysterically. "MOM, PLEASE COME BACK! DONT LEAVE M-ME, PLEASE NO!"

I felt arms around me and being pulled away, but I didn't care. I couldn't stop screaming and scratching at my face, arms, hands.

"MOMMY NO!" I screamed as they pulled me away from her room. "TAKE ME BACK!"

I cried and cried, choking on my sobs.  I can't live without her. No. No. No. This isn't happening. Fuck. No. No. No

All of a sudden I felt Marissa whispering in my ear and her holding me down in a bed, then Arizona with a horrified look on her face. She shoved a needle in my arm, with a hell lot of force.

Everything started to get blurry and one by one, I started to get numb. I felt sleepier and sleepier.

Maybe this is taking me to a world where I can be with Wilmer and Demi. Because God knows I can't live in one without them.

Affliction- something that causes pain or suffering.