Affliction

42

Annie

"You okay now?" Wilmer asked.

I wanted to lie and say yes. I wanted to pretend like my eyes weren't burning from the overwhelming amount of tears. I wanted to lift my head off his shoulder and hold it up on my own, because I want to pretend like I'm strong enough. But the truth is, I'm not.

So I don't lie.

"I don't know," I admitted. It's terrifying thinking you're fine, and then accepting your feelings and falling apart all over again.

"Why are you coming to me for?" He asked, hurting my feelings. I've only been crying to him for two hours.

"Because you're the only guy I'll ever trust again." I whispered the honest truth.

"As much as I wish that were true," he sighed, "Its not. One day you're going to meet a guy and you're going to realize why it didn't work with anyone else. Then the worst and best day of my life will come, and you're going to wear a white dress and I'll have to give my daughter away."

We sat there in silence, both thinking about what he said. I can't imagine a day where someone loves me as much as I love them or shows their loves with kisses instead of fists.

Wilmer continued, "I know the pain and resistance to let boys in feels like it'll never go away, but it will. I promise you that, Annie. You are and will be okay."

"Thanks, dad.." I said, loving the comforting feeling saying dad gave me, "I love you."

"I love you so much more sweetheart," he said, hugging me to him, "I know I can give good advice, but I can't fix you, nobody but yourself can. But besides you, do you know who can come pretty close?"

I knew what he was getting at. "Mom."

"Yup," he said, "You should probably go talk to her."

He kissed me on the forehead before I got up off the couch and began my way to their room. I didn't mean the things I said to her earlier. I thought I did at the time, but if I could take them back now, I would.

I didn't bother knocking, instead I softly push the door open. The television is on, but the sound is off and Demi's laying in bed with her eyes shut tight. I start to climb in beside her, careful not to make the bed dip too much and wake her up.

"Does she hate me?" Demi flatly asked, obviously thinking it was Wilmer.

"She doesn't," I answered, "She actually loves you very much."

She stays still and I lay down, making sure to put space between us. With one hand, I start softly playing with the ends of her hair.

"Huh, seems hard to believe." She mumbled, making my heart hurt.

"I'm sorry," I pleaded.

"I know."

"I don't know why but when I start to hurt, I push the people I love most away. I hate that about myself and I'm trying to do better." It sounds cliche, but it's true.

"Seeing you in pain is what brings me the most pain. And when you take it out on me it sucks, Annie. All I want to do is help you and you won't let me." She said, despair etched in her voice.

"I know you're the one person that sees right through me. I know if you bring it up, I'll let it all out and I don't want to. I keep things bottled up and you're the only one who's capable of getting it out." I explained.